I write to you know from the sweltering, dry heat of my programming class. This damned career center needs much better ventilation, or something, because these ancient Windoze95 machines, believe it or not, generate a lot of heat. This class is unpleasant. A few people behind me play cards, including Chris, the guy that enjoys annoying me while I'm reading my book, doing homework, anything that requires concentration. He really just likes to make fun of white guys.

Yesterday evening yielded a short update. I was caught up in the drama of Larkin and Ben's breakup. Much to both our dismay, he's being pretty bitter about the whole situation, as you easily see from his blog. I think the entry is a bit inappropriate. He'll get over it eventually of course, but I wish he weren't so damn sarcastic about the whole thing. What he said has really hurt Larkin. I'm just glad that I can give her some relief... what a mess.

I had been planning to write a little more about the events that took place last evening. America goes to war. It was inevitable, wasn't it? Holding Iraq by the throat to disarm, blindly threatening Hussein without the support of the U.N., etc. etc. There comes a point where I really just can't take sides. Sure, Bush is a reckless individual who really just sees the world as some biblical struggle of good versus evil. Hussein is a madman, though who's to say that he's really hiding all those "noo-cuu-lar" bombs. What I would do in their situation, however, I have no idea. I'm neither a democrat nor a republican. I really just choose to be angry with the world in general. It doesn't get much done, but what does? It seems as though we humans can't exist without conflict, without prejudice, without killing each other over our petty differences. As Larkin put it, we're all just "brainy apes". I think, at this point in time, we're doomed to self destruction. Doomed. My last hope is my Seti@Home account. Maybe I'll find some vastly benevolent aliens who will eliminate incompetence from our society... or not.

A lot's been on my mind recently. Yesterday, before the mess with hearing Dubyah announce the war campaign and the fiery Karfunkle, I had been looking at colleges online. I hang out with Larkin so much, I just started thinking about what I want to do with my life. I came to the disturbing realization, all of a sudden, that I have no idea. I've said before, to adults (mainly to make a good impression) that talk to me, shower me with praise for whatnot and ask of my future, that I'll probably just go into software design, major in computer science, become a highly-skilled programmer. But is this what I really want? I picture myself, ten years from now, at the height of my life, living in a cubicle eight hours a day typing away in front of the faint radiation of a computer monitor to meet impossible deadlines. Making boring accounting software, the next version of Quicken or TurboTax or Microsoft Word. How satisfying could that be? Could I possibly enjoy writing code? Even if I end up at some gaming company, Ion Storm or Blizzard or Raven, writing the engine for Quake 8, would that even be that great? It sounds like a pointless existence, when I really sit down and consider it. As I look at these colleges, the courses available, I see this whole world of options unfolding before my eyes. Before I met Larkin, I didn't even know what the hell liberal arts means. I could just as well become a writer, a research scientist, or hell, pursue my passion for singing and become a chorister for some opera company. To study philosophy! And when I just look at the different courses, philosophy is only the tip of the iceberg. There are thousands of different aspects of philosophy to be studied, so many divisions of music appreciation, different writing courses. It's overwhelming, I tell you.

Choir concert tonight. The last one we'll have until we go to New York. New York! I never thought, when I took choir in sixth grade "just for fun", that I'd later be involved in such a massive event. It's like those things that you read about in the newspaper or hear on the announcements, all the overachieving high school students going on trips to see the world and perform, or winning paid trips to study at famous colleges just for scholastic achievements. The oppurtunity will be colossal. We're going to the Metropolitan Museum, going to see a Broadway show... I don't even know what else. Not only that, we're the feature choir.