rar!

So tired. Woke up at 2ish because someone was downstairs grinding coffee. The coffee grinding makes one wake up. It's just one of those sounds that tells you to get your ass moving, get coffee, and get out the door. I'll be doing that myself soon--I tried out my new coffee equipment today, Melita pot and new grinder included. I even got a new teapot. The grinder is so powerful that I accidentally made the strongest goddamn pot of coffee at Kathy's place ever made in the history of humankind. I turned the Sumatra beans I bought at Starbucks the other day into powder which was only about half filtered out when I brewed it. So cool.

Today I cooked a bunch of stuff for those guys too. Pasta with alfredo sauce, shrimp and wild atlantic salmon and whatnot. It turned out allright. I was surprised I didn't go crazy trying to wrestle the huge aluminum pan I brought over on an electric stove. It was really terribly easy. I'm used to having a bunch of other junk on the back burners when I cook for people. Would've been a lot easier still had I slept more than 3 hours last night. Ugh.

Did some neat stuff today though in last-few-days preperation. Got a teapot that doesn't goddamn whistle at you or give you second degree burns, got a can opener, got my hair trimmed. I even bought new shoes to replace the Reebok tennis shoes I got when I first started doorhanging. Those shoes now look like flip flops and mowing lawns with them has turned my socks green. They are in dire need of retirement and so today I bought the most urban thing I saw at the shoe place: a pair of black suede Vans with white laces. I feel like such a skater kid. Besides that, I figured I'd be getting the style of black Converse without the ghetto durability. I swear to god those things are just like faux suede rags with flat soles. I'm taking my new shoes and the combat boots with me.

It is really weird seeing people for the last time until probably Christmas. Seeing Allison tomorrow, then Julia and probably Todd Saturday evening at that Laff Spot comedy club by Willowbrook. Julia won tickets (twenty of them) so I'm going to try and pass for 18 and go with. Now that I actually have a state ID maybe I can just flash it and be fine or something. Either way it'll be nice to get out one last time right before I go. I guess I'll just go chill at the mall if they kick me out.

Evanescence songs all sound so damn similar. It's like listening to a Greenday album. Well, not that bad. Evanescence can write songs in different keys and play in more than the one three and five chords. For some reason though I just love listening to them because Amy Lee's voice is fucking incredible. Actually, I think the guitarist, or whoever does the backup rapping deal in Bring Me to Life should have more of a role in their vocals. He's good and adds diversity to that song (I listened to a remix without his lines and it was borrrring).

sing for the left and sing for the tear

Sorry for no updates. I'm usually pretty attached to my journal and I should really be writing before I leave because I dunno when I'll update again once I get to Pittsburgh. I'm having my computer shipped to me after all (though I bought a 17 inch LCD monitor to replace the CRT, freakin sweet).

I'm leaving for that Sunday, the whole college thing. Trying to enjoy all the company I possibly can while essentially cleaning out my desk. Well, actually, I disassembled my desk/bed with a big drill and my mom sold it on eBay, so right now I'm using some little card table. My parents being on the move to Austin most likely after I leave, I've got to pack for a new life and clean this place out entirely. I've even got my own coffee pot to take with me. I got a punkvoter "Not My President" shirt that I can actually wear soon without being lynched or something. A pot, a wooden spoon. I really don't think I need much more and I'll figure the rest out once I'm there.

I arrive on the third, which gives me a day to look around the city, and then on the fifth there's orientation. After that the school is hosting sort of a dinner cruise/dance/socialization thing on the three rivers, so I'll really get to see the whole city from the Three Rivers. Maybe I'll meet some cute girl who's doing pastry or something. Or at least some cute girl who believes the GSA has no place in our school but a zillion religious clubs do. Meeting people will be nice though. I've exchanged an email or two with one of my roommates, and I imagine probably the guy who I'll be rooming with (as there are six people to a suite but it's kind of a three-bedroom apartment). He seems neat, says he likes jazz. I swear to god though I'm just looking forward to wandering around the immediate area on the fourth. I'm going to evolve into some kind of urban creature like a goddamn pocket monster.

I went rollerblading today with Allison. It was scary. I think being super tall you have to spend all your time dodging tiny people. Also it was disturbing to see junior high girls wearing hotpants and dancing on the rink to fitty cent. wtf. Ended up going to Starbucks after that, which was better. Hangin with Nicole tomorrow because I saw her there.

More later!

Chocolate layer cake w/raspberry sauce.

space may be the final frontier but it's made in a hollywood basement

I have to do another anniversary dinner for my two neighbors this Tuesday. So I'm going to jot down my menu here so I won't forget it.

The appetizer will most likely be a smoked salmon served on crackers with cream cheese and possibly candied jalapenos, or something simpler. I might instead make a mousse but probably not.

The main course:

Roasted rack of lamb
Grilled peaches or nectarines with blackberries/blueberries
Summer squash, onions, tomatoes, basil/oregano/garlic in red wine (ratatouille)

The dessert will probably be a chocolate layer cake accompanied by a chocolate frosting (or soft fudge) made with raspberry sauce.

In other news, I'm out of here in two weeks. I found a full set of brand new luggage at an estate sale the other day for ten bucks, saving me quite a lot of money. I also bought a very vintage tweed jacket (suede elbow patches and everything) and Plato's Republic. I love rooting through old junk. I bought a skateboard at another sale and I'm trying to learn to ride it to make up for all those years I played Everquest instead. I've gotten okay at balance but I really haven't had much time to play with it. My two employers have thrown a bunch of work at me recently and I've got a lawn or two to mow, not to mention this dinner I'm doing Tuesday. I'm looking forward to the dinner though. I love to cook. And especially with the Wusthof cutlery I've got now--everything slices like warm butter.

I'm longing for the city. At this point it's not because of anything except the damn weather around here. I come home from work literally drenched in sweat. Which is actually supposed to be kind of good for you. I guess I'm ridding myself of toxins or something.

peanut butter crackers wrapped in cellllll-o-phaane!

I ...
Am: alive
Am not: stuck here
Want: freedom
Have: that to look forward to
Wish: everyone would just quit making nuclear weapons
Hate: ignorance
Miss: singing
Fear: nothing and most things. I am 17 and invincible.
Hear: lacrimosa
Search: for kicks. nothin I like more than good kicks.
Wonder: if I'll ever be able to quit my goddamn job
Regret: is unproductive
Love: mozart, coffee and women
Ache: upper back
Am always: needing to get things done
Am not always: satisfied
Dance: only after plenty of sake
Sing: low
Cry: I haven't cried for a long time, life has been too good to me
Write: in my blog a lot
Won: Smartest award in 1st grade
Lost: sleep
Confuse: people who find out I'm nice depsite looking like a vampire bat sometimes
Need: rest
Should: be working

I'll most likely not be in NYC after all. Went to the agency today and those guys bullshitted me as they have for the past year or two. I will no longer have a fucking thing to do with them. I'm a patient guy but I cannot deal with the imps of this industry trying to get the money I bust my ass for. I actually don't mind that I'm getting out of the whole deal. It was a pretty bad idea from the beginning, even if I do actually look good. It's just not my kind of thing.

argrghrgh, time to get to work.

~and now a word with CHESTER

i'm listening to mozart's requiem over and over and over

Two writing ideas I've had this summer:

1. Write a Shakespearian play in a Pokemon setting depicting Ash Ketchum as a tragic hero.

2. Write a sci-fi novel titled "A Dog Eat Dog World" as a treatise on society's perspectives, scientifically as opposed to theologically, on the fuzzy line between animals and humans. It would depict a planet containing only one species of living organism--an intelligent, civilized race which nevertheless practices the kinds of things on each other that we practice on animals: farming, slaughtering and the like. Imagine cattle being the same as us but fulfilling the same roles as cattle. I don't know. I thought of it at 3 A.M. when hanging out with Kara and wrote it down. I think it would be an interesting social experiment novel.

Yeah, that's the best I can come up with. I might want to wait until I actually have some interesting things to talk about.

I woke up early this morning and went out with my mom for some garage sales and estate sales. It's fascinating to see all the things you can learn about people just from looking at the junk they're trying to get rid of. I went to someone's art studio that was like a hobby lobby in an apartment. Fake flowers, potpourri ingredients, fabric, tools, anything you'd need to have an impressive booth at an arts and crafts convention was stacked up in neat piles. I almost bought a cute set of dishes from that place with little mocha-colored rings around the plates and mugs and saucers and stuff, but there were some pieces missing and I don't really want to get anything hard to transport like that until after I figure out what my roommates are bringing. I did get a melita coffee pot from another sale. Speaking of which, I should get my housing packet soon and learn who the hell they are...

I'll be leaving for school on the 3rd of July. I finally figured that out, and actually bought a plane ticket so I'm really squared away this time--it won't be changing again. The housing rep said I can actually check in on Sunday, so that leaves me the day that I get there, a Monday to look around, some orientation deal on Tuesday and then classes Wednesday. I'm dying to get started. Three weeks and three days seems like a lifetime to wait to see my new home.

I'll be in NY on the 16th and 17th, I think. I'm probably going to go down to the agency tomorrow and get more information about that.

How to make a John

Ingredients: 5 parts success 3 parts humour 5 parts ego

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of fitness and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

the scorpions

Back to work. I'm really putting some money in the bank recently... Not just from graduation money, too; I've been able to do a good amount of extra work and my job for the pizza joint really pays great (and on time/in cash).

So, yeah. I'm pretty sure now that I'll be in NYC on the 16th and 17th. It should be expenses paid, not sure what I'll actually be paid for the shoot yet, but I know it's for some big 14-page spread in Vogue. I mean, like, wtf? The only thing I ever do is their poster and some thing at 5:30 in the morning for Fox News and all of a sudden they land this for me. They sure didn't mention anything about my being 17 a problem this time.

Went to the DPS today to get a state ID. Dumb people there. This woman took her daughter in to get a driver's license and they had no identification whatsoever. Not even a report card from her school or something. It was hilarious. They just didn't get it.

I super like Rasputina... Cello...

~I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up and brought up the past
Once you've know you can never go back
I've got to take it on the otherside

cycles

the wind blows again,
sail's full and
riding destiny.

courage, an hourglass,
I can turn over
and fear not again.

despair with me
in pair with joy.
leave it all behind.


"it all" is love
truly, gasping with tears,
some will die.

to find more All
and close those wounds
is to live.

it's all a stage.
and now,
we act anew.

rock you like a hurricaaaaaaaaane

Texas is getting hotter. The whole damn state is trying to bake me into a crispy treat before I can escape.

I got some more work today from Jackpot Pizza. Have to start on Spring Creek Oaks tomorrow and work my way over to Oakwood Glen again. Might be the last time, might not. I am beginning to think I could only stand doing this once more. I'd like to be able to let my ankle really heal and not experience mild tendonitis behind my knees all the time.

I also may have gotten some work from my dear little modeling agency in NYC on the 16th and 17th. Might be kind of a big deal, might be another thing they taunt me with before telling me I won't be able to go. I'll do it if I can. I washed my hair six times tonight to get the blue kool-aid out.

Have to go and get a state ID tomorrow morning. It will help for boarding a plane.

Kara might be leaving tomorrow for her grandmother's. This would be rather sad as I've grown fond of our hikes together. Everyone will be far away soon. Especially those I just recently have been able to know better. Any way the wind blows...

~don't stop, get it, get it
we are your captains in it
steady, watch me navigate
aahahahahaa

Walked around with Kara last night until around four. I've always gone on walks really late at night but having someone to go with is much better; it's good that I've found someone crazy as myself that actually lives close by. Will likely embark on such a latenight adventure again tonight.

So now I'm leaving for college a day earlier than I thought (again). I'm gone the 30th of this month. Gah.

The thing is, I'm getting a discount flight because my neighbor works for an airline and she can do that stuff. It's for available space only though, so if I get to the airport on Friday and the plane is full, I'm fucked. We figure it's safer to go Thursday so I have a backup plan. I'd go Saturday but I can't check into my room, but if I can't check into my room Thursday I can just spend a night in the airport in the worst case.

Wild Atlantic Salmon.

The White House. I stuck my camera through the bars and I could feel crosshairs on my forehead.

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I wasn't so much impressed by this as by my lens flare.

The Sakura trees in full bloom.

Luchtime.

The 21-year constant peace vigil. Disarm now!

Some colonial guy.

The National Cathedral.

Weird metro stop graffiti.

Arlington National Cemetary.

I threw an apple into the sky and took a picture of it.

the blade.

feel good

Bout time I fixed my comments. I was about to start using the crummy blogger comment system when I realized all I needed to do was recompile the code on the enetation website. Hooray for the UK.

There is a violin lying around my house. My parents couldn't sell it so it just sits around. All I know how to do it tune it. It needs rosin and stuff. I should modify it and make it electrified.

she only comes out at night

Scott McCloud's full o' shit. Penny Arcade is right--it doesn't matter if you're using some new "innovative" art medium. If the art itself sucks, you haven't made any progress. I think a lot of the time those who have no talent seek to hide the fact by trying to create the illusion of being a revolutionary.

I really like white wine. And sake.

I had a strange dream last night. A girl I know was lying on her side, in my old house in Chicago, facing the big chalkboard-sized window in our old living room, and she was drawing me in a sketchbook. Past the window was a great blizzard but that's probably because the only real memory I have of that window is the sight of a great blizzard howling against it.

I need to watch Waking Life several more times. I look back at my dreams and really wish I had tried to turn off the lights or read my watch. Not that I believe in that "dreams and reality are the same" bullshit but that having a better insight to my subconscious would be fascinating. Or something.

Today I went to Sur La Table and spent my 100 dollar gift card. I could spend a lifetime in that place, but the card was really burning a hole in my pocket so I picked out a seven-inch Wuesthof Classic Santoku. The goddamn thing is amazing. It sings on a steel like fucking Narsil or Glamdring or something. I could shave with it. I never knew the real worth of high-end knives until now.

I think that every time I acquire new pants I go through another big change in my life. I bought a pair of brown carpenter pants awhile ago and some black pants with a thousand pockets at Hot Topic and every day I prepare myself a little more for leaving this place on the first of July. I'm giddy with anticipation for the Burgh--the weather, the change of scene, the new people. The people. That's probably the only thing I'm going to miss here. And my gas range (the dorm apartments have electrics). But it's sad that I've met new people this year and I'll be leaving so soon. People like Allison and Alli Harvard and Kara I wish I'd met long before now. I really feel all the judgemental bullshit of high school leaving me--at least the stuff that counts, the stuff that prevents you from meeting people. I have some conservative friends. Gasp. That said, the pants fit well and I am anxious to be beautifully urban in them.

People fascinate me, I realized. I think I get it from my dad--I'm inheriting the natural ability to talk to complete strangers and share stories with them in exchange for their information and kindness. Today at Sur La Table I made a friend who let me check out all the knives before buying the perfect one for my hand size and weight preference. She fed Todd, Julia and I bread with crazy oils and vinegars and proceeded to tell me about the fact that a store was going to open up in Pittsburgh soon that I might be able to find a job at. If I'd been the reclusive vampire bat I was before this year, I wouldn't have learned anything about that unique human being or had any real conversation (and on a practical note, I wouldn't have obtained the resources for the Burgh's store and may have gotten an unsuitable blade).

Things like that happen more and more often. Communication isn't even necessary; sometimes I just learn about people by observing their truly individual quirks or just reading the emotion on strangers' faces. I saw a man in his car on the way to work a few mornings ago who was absolutely chugging this little bottle of orange juice he had at a red light. As silly as it sounds, he was so happy and kind of lost in that moment with no regard for whatever lay ahead in his day. He had so much of his life ahead of him and he and I were connected through our love of orange juice, though he didn't know it. I knew what a good time he was having drinking it. I love observing the expressions on couples' faces at Starbucks; it's why I always sit in the corner facing the rest of the place--I love to peoplewatch. I'm familiar with the feelings they experience when they're smiling so much it hurts but they can't help it. It doesn't matter who they are or what they believe in anymore (unless I'm trying to satirize, I guess). It's just human expression and its subtle familiarities are possibly the only things that really have the power to unify us in this world.

Looks like I'll be leaving earlier than I thought. If they okay it I'm going to move into Penn Commons on the first of July. Classes start on the fifth so if I get there early I'll have a few days' time to familiarize myself with downtown Pittsburgh (and if I'm lucky I'll be there before my roommates so I'll get the top bunk, nicest room, etc.) God damn, I'm excited. 30 days. It's going to be the absolute hardest I've ever worked in my life. I'll have class as much as I did in high school every day except with things that challenge me (and that I actually care about) and then I should have a job. I am going to cook stuff. I mean, can you imagine the satisfaction you'd get if you took a test and if you did really well then there's this amazing thing you've created with your bare hands that can do nothing except make you happy? None of this "I worked my ass off for three hours last night and she gave me a 72 on this paper and I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY" bullshit.