And now, as promised, my finished masterpiece of law:

The Seven Rules of If You Break Them I Kill You

I. Don’t be so sensitive to violent acts. Every day, at least five humans are going to be killed in extremely nasty ways. It happens all the fucking time- get over it. If you shoot some guy, blood is going to come out of him. It’s not disgusting; it’s the truth. We’re all just bags of flesh, so be more of a realist and live with it.

II. Don't be weak. Every day I see people complaining about the smallest things: having a hangnail, breaking up with a boyfriend and getting all suicidal about it, a hole in one's sock even. Grit your teeth, quit bitching and get on with your life! No matter how bad things get, you can always be eaten alive by fire ants. Or you could survive a lot of severe burns.

III. Don’t be fucking retarded. Stupid people, in general, need to stop existing right now. I beg of you- if you have not the intelligence to realize your lack thereof, at least don’t have children of your own. Killing yourself in amusing ways is fine with me too. More Darwinism, please.

IV. Don’t wear leather pants if you are a middle-aged, menopause-stricken high school teacher. It’s fucking disgusting.

V. Don’t, under any circumstance, abbreviate the words “you” or “are”. I can’t tell you how infuriated I become when some complete idiot tells me something like “u r stupid” or “omg lolz u r cool”. It sickens me that the English language can be so fucked up, and what’s more, that people my age are such fuqtards that they have to abbreviate three-letter words. In fact, just see rule #3.

VI. Don’t be bigoted. And if you do choose to pelt me with your opinions as I do to you, be smart about it. Please refer to rule #5 in order to use correct grammar when making references or a decent argument. “You views on everything are completely unreasonable, you selfish, overzealous bitch” holds a much higher intellectual standpoint than “omg jesus is so cool all u guys r stupid fucks coz jesus is cool and he luvs me”.

VII. Don’t interrupt me. Ever. Especially when I’m doing something important. As far as I’m concerned, whatever insignificant and redundant penny you dare place upon the rails of my train of thought can wait until I’m done with what I’m doing. Die.