I don't feel like sleeping. Have I ever mentioned that I believe sleep to be a grand waste of time? Truly if Darwin is correct, then humans will eventually evolve to require less sleep. People get less sleep on average these days, and natural selection ought to just kill off those who don't sleep enough but can't cope with it, thus allowing those with tolerance for little REM to reproduce.

I make a good cookie.

Tonight's performance at the Centrum was a biblical pain in the ass. No pun intended. Pre-UIL concert is, every year, like listening to a bunch of choirs' soundchecks. They say the purpose is to get people used to the performance hall, etc. That is total bullshit--you practice a song and then you sing it wherever the hell you're going to sing it, judges or not.

It bothers me how people say they rely on God for stability in their lives. People, the only thing that's going to really win you success is the realization of your own human potential--not the blind submission of your destiny to a faith for what has caused more pain in the world than anything, or your adherance to a string of "moral values" that's been mortar-and-pestled into your synapses on the idea of some supreme being's legal counsel. Mindless sheep do the world no good, and great men are those who have found strength in themselves through their passion and resiliency, not in a mass propaganda supposed to be higher than logic itself. The atheist plucks the thorn from his own side in defiance of those who pray and bleed because they are too cowardly to admit that we, not God nor Fate, are the authors of our own existence.

~you breathe life when you set me free

This morning I eat lasagna for breakfast.

Busy day today. I've got to go downtown this afternoon to see some agent from NYC. If all this stuff continues to leave me with no work I might quit wasting my/my mom's time and money going down there all the time and pursue this modeling gig again when I'm actually old enough. It has been kind of starting to bug me of late.

yarr

Ugh. Feel like pain. I've got an addiction to the gym. Last night at nine, me and Sterling went and I feel like shit today. I did everything. I even did the thing where you lift a weight disc with your neck, and shrugs, and bicep curls, and calf raises, and leg presses, and incline/decline/flat proline benchpress machines, lat pulldowns, some cable machine that's like military press, etc. I didn't have time to do abs, that's tonight.

Except now I have to go work. I can barely climb stairs, how am I supposed to walk five miles?

God damnit, I love Bush. They are the best band in the fucking world! If I got to see them live someday I would be the king of everything.

It might turn out to be a lovely day after all. Very good coffee this morning. The best I've ever made (I say that every time I make coffee, as my father says of a pot of beans or a brisket, it's in my blood). Waffles with strawberries too. I woke up a few minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off, so I avoided that horrid noise. Things are already going my way.

I think today was probably the most interesting day of spring break. I ate a multitude of interesting things today, including something called Bubble Tea. Nicole took me down to this Vietnamese tea place right next to the Hong Kong Food Market, where I, a long blonde-haired white guy wearing an orange shirt, told a strange man at the counter that I would most certainly like to try a "Passion Fruit Snow Bubble". I eventually received some kind of fruity, smoothie thing which had little balls of tapioca in it. I love trying new things. It was actually really good. We also got sandwiches from another Vietnamese place and Italian ice cream.

I nearly missed a call from Allison to go to the park and have a picnic when I got home, and despite having already eaten, we went and did that. I haven't walked around or even been to Meyer Park in a long time, but it was nice. Today was a serene day. We headed to choir rehearsal after the park, which I was kind of looking forward to at first, but ended up being sleepy and sore-throated. I should probably stop sleeping with the windows open and the fan on.

So, I had a very nice ending to a sort of average Spring Break. I'm probably going to the gym in a few minutes. I want to try a bunch more weight on the leg press tonight, maybe 450 or 500.

oh, fuck you, David!

I'm not trying to alter the course of history or anything, but if anyone is planning to hold a martini in the future, please be sure to get near me and look sad, so that I can pull someone I don't know aside and say,

"I think she's the saddest girl to ever hold a martini."

That was a line from Vanilla Sky, one of the worst movies in which Tom Cruise got to screw someone ever. It is supposed by those with more elevated tastes in cinema than I that the original movie, Abre Los Ojos, is a lot better because it doesn't have Cameron Diaz in it. Tears could fall, however, if no liquids are spilled on shirts.

I watched that with The Guys tonight. I've decided I probably need to stop calling Veronica and Kim The Guys because they're
A. Hotter than fire
B. Girls
C. Ninjas
D. All of the Above
E. A, B, and C

I bought a corduroy jacket from an estate sale today for two dollars. It fits really well.

This Spring Break is remarkably uneventful. Tomorrow is, like, the second to last day.

I'm really waiting to see if Jesus can do it--you know, rise from the dead and all. It happens tomorrow! On the next episode of DRAGONBALL Z!
Can the Apostles collect the dragonballs in time to bring back Jesus?
Will Jesus be able to defeat Freiza before he can unleash his terrible horde of Supersaiyan zombies?
How the fuck did we get bunnies and eggs from the gruesome crucifiction and resurrection of Christ?
Find out NEXT TIME ON DRAGONBALL Z!!!!!!111

RAAAAAAAAAA christ I'm sore today. Ow.

There is next to nothing to do in Spring. Today after sitting around at Starbucks and then aimlessly wandering around Kroger, Todd and I realized that there was really nowhere to go. We ended up going to Denny's, which was pretty damn cool because I got a milkshake--but we realized that the place is so popular because it's the only place you can go after ten without going to javajazz or someplace in town. I can't wait until I'm down the street from something interesting in Pittsburgh. Yes, I am going to college in Pittsburgh. It's going to happen and it will be wonderful. I am so excited. Score!

Holy crap, I am awesome. Tonight I went to Ironcity Gym and got my subscription and worked out mad crazy (because you always work out too much your first day at the gym). I pushed 400 fucking pounds on the leg press twelve times, and then did 400 pounds on the standing calf raise. It was so awesome. I never had any idea I could exert that much force on an object. I could definitely do more weight than that too; I mean, I did it twelve fucking times! I feel like I could kick through a bomb shelter.

Actually, I think I wore myself out today more than I ever have. I was in Spring Creek Oaks working from noon to six, and after I ate a lot of food, I did all that stuff at the gym. I swear to god I used half the machines there. I saw Meaghan Golden while on the job--she opened the door after I made my ninja-advertisement strike--which was good because I was completely out of water and on the verge of death, and she helped me. I actually finished that neighborhood today, which is good, because I'll actually have some time to enjoy this break.

I must've gone crazy for awhile, because I always update. Always.

Spring break is something of a godsend. I'm working my ass off, true, but I don't have to sit still at school all day before working my ass off, and I'm getting paid. I hate school. I really do. All I want to do is work and see people, and ironically, that doesn't really happen at school. It's a waste of time this year, I have decided.

Been hanging out with the guys. And when I say guys, I guess I include Veronica, Ashley, Kim, and Jill. Watched some foreign films which we thought would be the worst ever, but turned out to be really good, though really depressing, Chinese dramas.

I feel physically wornthefuckout and emotionally hyperactive. The two do not go well together and I just need to sleep but I prefer to stay awake and think of things to write on my blog. My mind's a blank though, so I'll get back to you.

51% is not a mandate, assholes.

Have you ever looked at the tax code for social security taxes and seen the 80,000 dollar income cap? You know, how people only have to pay taxes on the first 80k they make, so that the wealthiest people are contributing the least, proportionally? WHY DON'T PEOPLE FUCKING REALIZE THIS? It's not even an issue! It's not even debated as an option for social security! Fuck! Jesus!
Evan quotes good information:

altarasotterkin: If the $90,000 cap were completely eliminated in 2005, it could bring in about $100 billion in one year, according to Social Security Administration spokesman Mark Lassiter. Agency actuaries have not looked farther into the future, Lassiter said, but if the change generated an average $100 billion each year, it could more than erase Social Security's deficit.

Those assholes. We'd rather dick around with private accounts because it's a more American idea, except that the whole notion of private accounts defeats the entire purpose of social security in the first place, which is about responsibility for others--not self-interest. My God... it might even be called a socialist idea. We might as well just keep our 6.25% and forget about being helped by the government.

Also, this is amusing:

altarasotterkin: I watched a depressing anime almost straight through
JohnH778: which?
altarasotterkin: Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien
JohnH778: it wasn't, like, kimi ga nozomu eien or something?
JohnH778: hahahaha
altarasotterkin: omg~!

I know I won't be able to sleep right now if I try, so I won't even bother until another hour or two passes. My blog needs attention anyway. It's like a hungry kitten.

Today kicked ass. I was going to work, but my ankle was bothering me again, so I, um, didn't. Julia, Todd and I went running around to Starbucks, and then Target, where I bought some sweet new blue shades which make me look like a total scenester. I was introduced to Los Cucos which is my new favorite Mexican place. The food wasn't sickeningly doused with cheese. I mean, it was still Tex-Mexish, but it was goddamn good. I never thought beef fajitas could be so good really well done like that.

My barbershop ensemble was supposed to practice tonight, and we did assemble at Scott's house, but Minna is the middle of all our chords and he wasn't there, so we sounded like shit. I had a profound realization also that we always get together way too late to sing upbeat music, but I dunno, I could be utterly wrong.

Julia's taking Todd to prom. Or the other way around, I guess. I think our plan may be to form our own small group rather than trying to caravan around with a crowd of grumpy people in formal attire. Thinking small is kind of healthy for occasions like this. I honestly have no earthly idea who I'll ask, if I even end up asking anyone. Prom's far away, granted, but at this point I don't really care if I go with or without a date. Maybe high school is wearing off, or something, but it just doesn't seem like such an incredible, unforgettable big deal to me. It's just one of those things you go to.

Weirdest coincidence in the world happened today. I got out of Julia's car in my driveway, and took off my super 1337 new shades, and the makeup artist from the photoshoot I was in awhile back is standing in my driveway. Apparently she and her husband, who's a photographer, have known our new neighbors, the Szabo lawn guys, for ten years. It was weird. Houston is HUGE and I happened to see this person today, who was drawing on my face a few weeks ago at this little photo studio downtown. They want to buy our house.

ughhhhhhhhh

Just now, I theorized that Starbucks has a ploy to destroy America by overcaffeinating us until our hearts explode. My god, I am hyperactive right now.

My horoscope said today that I need to follow my passions. I think I'll do just that. I just need to figure out what my passions are. I mean, besides what I know of. I already cooked a bunch of junk today.

The past two weeks have been unnaturally stressful for me. I was hoping to have a nice, quiet weekend of relaxation or something, but things still aren't really going my way. I realize that I haven't posted this: I spraigned my ankle last friday and thus haven't been able to work for awhile, and it's been really bugging me. I got back to work yesterday but I'm still terrified of stepping on something the wrong way. I fell on the goddamned thing Wednesday. Christ, school is so fucking dull! I've taken up motherfucking embroidery to pass the time during class. None of my teachers even give a shit if I thread needles and split embroidery thread while they're lecturing. It's so awful. The strap on my bag is so elaborately colorful it's not even funny. Right now, my parents have some friends visiting, who smoke, and are sleeping in my bed, so I'm sleeping on the floor in my room next to old broken computer hardware while listening to bojones. There is, at least, that. Though I need to get the CD. I'm missing out a lot just by downloading the junk off their website.

Good things are happening, though: tonight at Starbucks me and Todd analyzed this couple's conversation and how awkward they seemed to be feeling. The guy kept talking about himself and the girl just laughed and looked at her cellphone. It was really hilarious--I love people-watching. Not only that, we see so many people we know at Starbucks. And the sexy barista said I have pretty hair. +10 points. I didn't even break any glass bottles this time.

Also, Julia's back in town. Hoping to hang out with her tomorrow. She's one of those people that's really pleasant to be around no matter what. I think the only other two people who remind me of her in that way are Esin and Aylin. They are such nice people and really lift up my mood. They gave me a ride home the other day and they always have cheerful music in their car, and it's always a really nice day when they take me home. Things like that keep me going.

I got paid, too. It's nice going out and not paying for things with quarters and dimes and sometimes nickels. I'm going to spend 75 bucks on a subscription to Ironcity Gym, I think. I'll take out my adolescent rage on machines now instead of a barbell. Or both. I think the warmer weather is motivating me to work out more--I'm bench pressing every two days now instead of every week on a different workout schedule. Doing higher weight with as many reps as possible now; the whole three sets of one moderate weight routine rather than going up and down. It's easier not in the actual workout, but in the sense that I don't have to run around putting more weight on/taking it off of the bar, and I think it's working better. after a few more workouts I'll try mixing it with my older routine to see if my max can improve again. Gra. Maybe when I start going to the gym and being hardcore I'll start a workout blog. Probably not.

I tried out for a fucking jazz solo in chamber the other day. It was amazing. I was even the first person to try out. I think I've changed.

~we're all losers and we
we do what we're told

Blarg. I have to practice with my barbershop quintet at nine tonight. It is too late. I am in dire need of much rest. So in need that my sense of time no longer functions; I thought global meltdown was tomorrow night and was agonizing about having to sing the national anthem at it. It's, like, Friday, or next Friday, or some weird shit like that.

Realized that I never put this poem up away from the poetry club livejournal which is not read by all, and that I was rather satisfied with it.

I'm familiar with Southern Death
young and old
with the smell of tobacco,
cheap beer,
gunpowder and hunting on its fingertips.

I saw it finally sink in
to good ol' One-Eyed Terry,
the carpenter (and former Two-Eyed Terry
the motorcyclist) who was
maybe once a young romantic,
dizzily blowing smoke and moonshine fumes.
It looked cool, I guess.

He coughed up his lung in the sink
and now I mow his widow's lawn.

And there's old Buckee Brown;
that man confused
the beer in his left hand
and the cigarette in his right.
But it didn't really matter
in his cancerous Marlboro end.

It was the only time
I ever saw my dad wear a suit.

bananas ought to be red, man

Today I spent many hours fixing Rob's computer. It is not yet fixed because Ciaran broke it forever, so I'm going to continue fighting the forces of evil tomorrow. Rob gave me his Firiona Vie figurine. I am a 1337 sonofabitch.

I goddamn hate Nvidia! This really isn't even their fault, but it still multiplies my overall hate factor--the little fan on my new Geforce FX sounds like it's fucking choking to death. The fan on my mom's card, the same model, died after she bought it too. This is such bullshit. Get up! Get out of here.

nine times. (and one for freeeeeeee)

Yarr. I cannot wait to get my hair cut. The length of my bangs is bugging me.

Ankle is slowly returning to its normally functional state. Realized that boss will probably not give a damn if I don't work for two or three days.

Not really wanting to sing the national anthem with chamber choir at Global Meltdown. I'd suggested that someone go with me to see the thing, but then I remembered that, frankly, when I went to see it a year or two back, it was kind of mediocre. I think Erika's show at javajazz next Saturday will be more interesting.

The dinner party tonight was quite nice. Also, baking bread is a lot of fun. It's about time I started making some more wheat-based breads, though. I've got the basic ideas of making the stuff pretty well in my head (I haven't used a recipe to make any in quite a long time) so I think I can experiment more.

~all you need is love, love
love is all you need.

gah

My god, I fucked myself up today. I was jumping over someone's flower bed, which I always do when I distribute in my neighborhood, except this time there was new landscaping peril (big uneven mound of dirt) which I had not foreseen, and I landed freakin' hard on the side of my right foot. So it's not really working well right now. It was okay right after it happened, and I finished working and stuff, but it got more and more painful until I had to limp back to Todd's car tonight after watching a movie at Kim's house.

By the way, Saved is funny. When I was a little kid, people said I looked like Macauly Culkin. I agree now, sadly.

Dinner party tomorrow! It's going to be awesome!

ARGHGH!

So I'm in a barber shop ensemble with Scott, Matt, Minna, and Gabe, and we sound pretty freakin' good. We're singing "The Longest Time" by Bille Joel for Variety Show, and we're gonna make it, and be a smash hit.

Diablo 2 is fun but it locks up every once in awhile when I play it. I've almost got it beat.

That is all. Today was kind of boring.

coming to a theatre near you.

hey butterfly, where you from?
why do you look so glum?
your pretty eyes are on the ground.

Today was lovely poetry club with strawberry frosted brownies, which I still have several of to share with parents at home. I ended up reading us Rime of the Ancient Mariner because I found a copy of it under Nicole's desk in psychology.. I didn't know what it was at first but we figured it out afterwards. Weird. It really lightened my mood, as today was kind of a shitWednesday. Like, shitWednesday v.1.1.9.3. I downloaded the patch.

Things can only get better from today though! Nicole's dinner party is Saturday for which I will likely get to bake some tasty bread. Sadness though, as I was going to invite Emily but she'll be in San An.

I shined my boots today. That really doesn't make them shiny--the leather is way too beat up--but they're black and bootsy again. I put new soles in them too. Beautiful. I love my boots. I also gave my trenchcoat some much-needed attention, re-attaching buttons and hand-stitching the pocket back together, as well as cleaning it up some. I also think I'm going to begin an embroidery project on this navy blazer I've got. If it's actually something I see through to its finish, I'm going to stitch roses and stars and neat things on it and it'll be all color-tastic. I've got wonderfully colorful embroidery thread.

I put this on the poetry club lj, but since not everyone reads that, it will go here as well. I really don't write much poetry; poetry club is half a good excuse to bake things every week and half a great excuse to see people, but occasionally I come up with something:

not really any need to worry,
tomorrow morning there'll be sunshine and waffles.
it all comes together
even if it rains, love.

when your feet feel like rusted metal,
and your legs are sore as life,
it's still good.
keep on walkin'. faster.

and sometimes when you feel like givin' up,
buy a pack of buttons for your old coat.
the renewal of that friend
will be your own.

'cause you cares if you don't get what you tried for?
man, when you come short of it all
and feel like you've failed,
you still breathe.

I felt like writing a poem today (one not about food) but didn't really have a central idea, so I just took a few recent events--waffles in the morning, sore-as-hell feet/legs, hand-stitching the pocket on my trenchcoat back together and putting the buttons back on--and joined them under one theme.

I ate waffles for breakfasssst

So, I'm supposed to be in this barber shop, er, quintet for Variety Show. Some guys needed me because I'm all basstastic and we were supposed to start rehearsing tonight, but that didn't happen, so I'm making chocolate brownies with strawberry frosting.

I had a surreal experience this morning. I was at HEB at, like, seven, and I could see the sun rising and stuff. Yeah, it was weird. Majestic golden sunlight washing over heaps of tomatoes and honeydew melons.

I'm waiting for my brownies to cool off.

I worked too much today but it paid off. A thousand doorhangers distributed in two days--Sunday and today, that is. I walked to Jackpot Pizza to tell the boss I'd gotten all the stuff out and he couldn't believe me. So I got 500 more doorhangers and I ought to get paid once he checks to see if I actually did all that crap. Eighty dollars and seven goddamn cents. I picked up a nickel and two pennies on peoples' driveways.

Dogs hate me, but cats love me, by the way. Whenever I'm walking around peoples' houses I always stop and pet the cats, and while I'm doing so, the dogs go freakin crazy and try to eat me so I have to run away and stop petting the cats. Sigh.