Today I made a pound cake. It was a pain in the ass. About 3/4ths of it is this awesome looking marbly pound cake, but the rest is all fucked up because it didn't get completely cooked. It's like, the simplest thing ever to make; I think my transition from layered chocolate cake or roast turkey to a recipe with only four ingredients just made my brain burn out, or something. I'll post a picture of a slice later.

Tomorrow (or today, I ought to say) is New Years' Eve! And thank God, I'm spending it with some friends rather than alone at home or with people I barely know. For those of you that I didn't complain to about, I was going to be dragged to Victoria to Schroder Hall--it's some Texan dance hall where a bunch of old people are going to be entertained by a group called "Billy Mata and the Texas Tradition". No fucking thank you. My mom told me I didn't know what I was missing. I'm pretty sure I do. I wish I didn't. In any case, Brio with Emily and Scott and other miscellaneous people, then the mall. It ought to be a blast. I don't really have any champagne here though and I don't know if te group is going to be hanging out until midnight.

I know I'm freaking horribly lazy and all, having only applied to one school (Pennsylvania Culinary Institute in Pittsburgh), but if I went to the one I got accepted to right now I think I'd be happy. I've been researching Pittsburgh and what there is to do in the area, and it seems like a nice place for a guy like me to live. Supposedly it used to be a smokestacked industrial hellhole but it's a really neat and cultural place now. I've seen a lot of pictures online; it's so scenic. There are SO many bridges. There are also lots of non-franchised little coffeehouses near the place I'd be going to. Sweet. I think I'm going to get a really nice full-length wool and cashmere coat to take with me if I go up North since a Hot Topic canvas trench and some sweaters isn't going to cut it in the wintertime. In any case, I need to get to work on my essay for the CIA's pie contest (I guess I'm going to apply even though they want kitchen work experience), and also apply to the Art Institute of Philadelphia. It actually requires an essay, which might provoke thinking. Gasp.

I need New Year's Resolutions. Here goes.

1. Get out of this state.
2. Meet a really, really good-looking girl. Or two or three.
3. Get bench up to at least 200.

That's all I can think of. I think they're really supposed to be things you change about your personality or character, but, well, I'm untraditional, so fuck it.

~you're so untouchable; it's devastatingly sexy

1. Comment here and I'll draw a picture of whatever you want using the mighty MS Paint.

2. Put this in your journal along with the pictures people drew for you.

Freakin' sweet.

Tonight I was driven around by someone with no respect for the speed limit. It was glorious. Me, Julia, John Kleb, and his girlfriend Cindy were speeding down Stuebner and all sorts of cop-infested roads at 80+ mph. It was so amazing the way all the stoplights simply truckled to our recklessness. We exited I45 at a hundred miles per hour, crossing four lanes in a matter of milliseconds. I tried to act terrified as if it was what I should've done, to be afraid for my life as if it were something I could kill with simple exhiliration, but it didn't work. I wanted to be in the passenger's seat with the windows rolled down. Metallica was on the radio, loud and maddening. I felt like I was being driven around by Dean Moriarty in the giant Cadillac Limousine. John would ask where we were going next, and I'd just point straight ahead and say "That way." at a hundred miles per hour. It just didn't fucking matter.

I baked some Goddamn puffs.

Whoa! Whoa.

I got a scarf today. It's a white lambswool scarf, and it goes around my neck, and it makes me warm. I also have fudge. I am like chocolate Jesus; I eat chocolate for everybody's sins.

Cooking for Christmas dinner the other day was badass. Everything came out exactly the way I wanted it to--I found this recipe in the Joy of Cooking for sweet potato puffs--I know, puffs--which involved bananas and nutmeg and baking little mounds of orange stuff at 500 degrees. It was so awesome. I thought they would explode or some shit at that temperature and I'd be cleaning the oven for days but it really worked out. I invented my own method of cooking brussels sprouts (which are horribly abused during the holidays, people boil them to death). My new knife cuts through tomato skin like warm butter. I'm going to learn souffle soon. I'm going to go to college, and one day, I am going to beat the fucking game and then I will the final boss.

I have the desire to just dress up, like, mad fucking Gothic. I have been so sad recently because the sleeve on my fishnet shirt is lost somewhere in the washing machine. I was washing it one day, and you know how the sleeves are all attached with paperclips because, well, I'm totally hardcore, right? One of the sleeves just kind of ripped off and so now I've got this fishnet shirt that has a full sleeve with paperclips, and then only a half a sleeve. It pisses me off because I really wanted to wear it a lot during the winter and I don't have money to buy a new one. Blarg.

~reco'nize on yo' ass

Christmas Dinner Cuisinefest '04~

Best Christmas presents ever.

An early Christmas present for you:


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. John
2. Johann
3. John Gray (said very quickly)

THREE ...SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. JohnH778
2. Ianaman
3. Dark Angel

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. physical strength
2. voice
3. uniqueness

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my lips
2. my skin
3. my left hand

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German
2. ...
3. ?

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. becoming obsessed with the big picture and the long-term
2. serving food to someone that makes them sick
3. losing my sight or hearing; either one would prompt suicide


THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. social interaction
2. music
3. coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. green sweater
2. black hot topic pants with, like, 17 pockets
3. army steel-toed combat boots

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment):
1. DJ Doboy
2. Skinny Puppy
3. System of a Down

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT (not in any particular order):
1. Hoopy Frood - Sequence
2. Dzihan & Kamien - Homebase
3. I'm not sure, but the third song in DJ AX's 2003 megamix

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. learn to cook many, many more dishes
2. when I go to college somewhere up north, I will find a sushi joint that serve sea urchin; even the Sake Lounge here has it not.
3. finding real work

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. intellectual connection
2. affection
3.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: (SEE IF U CAN FIND THE LIE!)
1. I experiment with creating my own prerecorded techno singles
2. I once took tae kwon do classes
3. I do weighted incline situps regularly

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. dark, short hair
2. athletic
3. I am utterly shallow. Cute butt.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. beat brown sugar into egg whites
2. be forced to swim competitively
3. sing in front of people

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. weightlifting
2. cooking
3. computer gaming

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Make out with someone (sorry, it's the truth!) (keeping this one from emily's blog)
2. play in the snow which is not really there
3. gun a fast motorcycle to its limit on an empty freeway.

THREE ...CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. executive chef
2. pastry chef? probably too tedious for me
3. model

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Japan
2. NYC
3. Alaska

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. I feel as though I am not qualified to answer these questions.
2.
3.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get some good kicks. Ain't nothin I love more than good kicks.
2. Attempt to be homeless for a week.
3. Bake the perfect souffle.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO DO THIS MEME:
1. Julia
2. Nicole
3. other people?

smileypie?

You Are the Peacemaker

9 You are emotionally stable and willing to find common ground with others. Your friends and family often look to you to be the mediator when there is conflict. You are easy going and accepting. You take things as they come. Avoding conflict at all costs, you're content when things are calm.

What number are you?

I'm back. Fixed my goddamn computer so I can actually do things now. Christmas holiday kicks ass. I even met my goal of getting my bench to 180 by Christmas. Woo. More later, my head hurts a lot.

Allriiiight, finals. That week where so many useless hours of school are endured for nothing. I ate granola bars in most of my classes today. Tomorrow promises to be much of the same, at least until my nerve-racking chamber choir final. On Friday, I actually have to go to school for maybe an hour and a half to take my fucking choir final. I will be forced to stay for the entire time.

Claire's so awesome. She gave me a picture of Sterling, Kathy, her, Emily and I for Christmas looking all sexy at the opera in this really neat frame. I haven't been able to do any Christmas shopping yet. I have to do something because I've actually got a little cash this year, but I need to get out to do it.

I have passed out so many freakin flyers recently. I did Spring Creek Forest in five and a half hours and just today I got half of Oakwood Glen done. My feet feel like the ouch and it's been hard to find such large slots of free time recently with all the runouts and choir junk, but I'm getting it done.

allright! attention whore!

1. Tell me one thing you love about me.

2. Tell me two things you love about yourself.

3. Look through the comments ~ when you see someone you know, tell them three things you love about them.

4. Do this in your journal so I can tell you what I love about YOU - and if you've already done it, tell me so, so that I can go back and give you some love.

whoa, look out, holy craaaap

1. First Name: John
2. Were you named after anyone?: My middle name, Gray, is the name of my dad's friend Gary who is a racist taxidermist from Florida.
3. Do you wish on stars?: I might consider it if I could see stars from this place.
4. When did you last cry?: Long time ago
5. Do you like your handwriting?: Yes. It adheres to no organizational pattern whatsoever, so I do like it.

6. What is your favorite lunch meat?: mortadella
7. What is your birth date?: Aug. 23, 1987
8. What is your most embarrassing CD?: A DMX sample CD which has "I'm Blue (da ba dee)" by Eiffel 65
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?: Yeah, I think so.
10. Are you a daredevil?: I'm not reckless, but I'm not boring either.
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?: I only do that after the secrets become common knowledge anyway.
12. Do looks matter?: Yes. I'm not that saintly; I like sexy people.
13. How do you release anger?: I punch doors open at school, and kick brick walls with my boots. It is so much fun.

14. Where is your second home?: If I made more money and had a car it would be Javajazz. Right now it's Starbucks.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child?: computer. Or, if you want something more interesting, nerf guns. I owned so many.
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless?: Very many. Not so much the classes but the way the information was drilled into me.
18. Do you have a journal?: well,
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot?: Nah.
22. What are your nicknames?: Johann, DJ Johann, trenchcoat guy, FX dude

23. Would you bungee jump?: No.
24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: Only if I'm wearing my combat boots, but that's just because I have to in order to get my feet out.
26. Do you think that you are strong?: Yes.
27. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?: jamocaaaa
28. Shoe Size?: 8 1/2

29. Red/Pink?: red
30. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?: occasionally I get hyperactive and then no one can understand what the hell I'm saying. I begin speaking at 500 words per minute or something and it just comes out like the jibberish.
31. Who do you miss most?: Santa Claus. I will certainly never regain the ability to have blind faith in things.
32. Do you want everyone you send this to send it back?: I'm not emailing this to people.
33. What color pants are you wearing?: dark blue emotastic jeans

34. What are you listening to right now?: hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
35. Last thing you ate?: carrot cookie.
36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: red-orange, as opposed to orange-red.
37. What is the weather like right now?: nice and cold, though it could be colder. I love the feeling of wearing many layers of clothing and being warm in a hostile environment.
38. Last person you talked to on the phone?: sterling

39. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: I could be all sophisticated and tasteful and say that I look for that special light in her eyes. But I'll just say "body" instead.
40. Do you like the person who sent this to you?: I found this on the livejournal of someone I don't even know.
42. Favorite Drink?: cream soda (tribes in a can)
43. Favorite Sport?: I thought about this for maybe five minutes and couldn't come up with anything.
45. Eye Color?: blue

46. Do you wear contacts?: No, but I have some prescription glasses that allow me to see faraway thingies
48. Favorite Food?: tasty sushis
49. Last Movie You Watched?: Spiderman
50. Favorite Day Of The Year?: New Years. Probably because I'm a champagne whore.
51. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings?: Scary movies with hilariously tragic endings.

52. Summer Or Winter: Winter. Especially where I live.
53. Hugs Or Kisses?: Kisses. If you're kissing someone, you're usually hugging them at the same time.
55. What's your favorite dessert?: paralyzingly rich chocolate cake
56. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?: mreh
57. Who Is Least Likely To Respond?: feh

58. Living Arrangements?: One day I want to take a week off from whatever I do and attempt being homeless. Right now, though, I live at my parents' house.
59. What books Are You Reading?: I just finished 1984 and need something else to read.
60. What's On Your Mouse Pad?: Edgar Allen Poe portrait.
62. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?: Nothing'd
63. Favorite smell? Cappuccino with cinnamon on the foam

Diary of an Emo Kid

Well, today (another chapter in the soon-to-be-ended pursuit that is my meaningless life) I went to a show. Fyend and some other band were playing (but I think they've sold out). Me and Emily looked real scene, and I've still got my show wristband on. I'm gonna wear it until it falls off. Maybe it'll provide some kind of relief in this bleak existence. I wish my parents hadn't divorced.

Just kidding. Javajazz is the kind of place that kicks ass even if the music you go to hear sucks. There are people there that actually aren't so radically different from me as, say, the student body of KHS. I met some interesting people and drank lots of coffee. Very content right now. Got lost for an hour or two driving up there with Emily, which was fun. Some guy at Hollywood Video gave us directions which I misinterpreted, thus getting us lost further. But it was cool. I've got a show buddy now, man. Shows.

I had a shitty day today. Not good at all. It was almost refreshing as I have not had one of those in quite awhile.

I learned this morning that there was apparently a chamber choir runout yesterday at 4:30, the Robare's private party in fact, and I missed it. Out of sheer forgetfulness and irresponsibility, I actually had no idea that this runout was taking place. From what I hear, Mr.Raddin sang with chamber and was really kind of stressed out, because Sterling also didn't show up.

I felt awful all day about the damn thing and went by the choir room to look for Mr.Raddin to apologize, but couldn't find him until fifth. Afterward class I mentioned some menial pitch problem to him (to be honest, it was also bugging the hell out of me) and then told him that I really had no excuse for the whole thing, that I completely forgot, and that I was really profusely ashamed about it. I was. He just said, "It happens to the best of us."

In my three and a half years in this choir, I have not once turned in a gold form, been unable to go to some choir function where I was needed, or "forgotten" completely about a performance, the only exception being spring trip last year where I fucked up my life by failing a class. I'm not saying that to make myself look good or make it seem like I deserve to screw up. That's not how it works.

My point is that while I don't really give a damn about my grades and constantly hurt myself through my own irresponsibility or incompetence or whatever, I don't really care about that. It's when I hurt someone else through that kind of thing that I hate myself relentlessly for it. I cannot bear to let a man like Mr.Raddin down because one of the things I most solidly try to live by is that I really ought to honor my committments. Screwing something like that up shouldn't happen to the best of us and I care about being a reliable person.

Colorful bedsheets make me happy. I have a green mattress cover, a red pillowcase, and a gray and blue blanket.

Today I got to be a roadie with Sterling's band. They were pretty good, though the party itself was kind of... not boring, but it was definitely full of people I would otherwise stay far away from. I was happy to be afforded the oppurtunity to lift heavy objects and carry them around.

Soon I start passing out flyers again. I'm not thrilled about it but it's good to have some work to do again. I don't really mow lawns anymore and I don't get enough real cardiovascular exercise, which is a category that weightlifting doesn't really fall under.

I am consuming a 23.5 ounce can of Arizona green tea

That's the last one. I have no more choir auditions to worry about ever again. No more music to spend all that time learning.

Well, all that time in after school rehearsals anyway. I never practiced at home; Sterling still has my practice CD. I suppose I can be pretty proud to say that I made region nine mixed choir three years in a row without practicing at home once. Look at that, I've grown an ego.

Anyway, I got twelfth at the audition last night, so I didn't make it. For those of you not familiar with the TMEA audition process, to get to the pre-area auditions you have to make it past the district auditions, then the region auditions, and after the region choir weekend, you have to get within the top five at pre-area auditions. If you pull that shit off, you go to Austin for area auditions, and if you get top eighth or something, you make allstate choir. Pre-area was kind of cruel to me. It was the first audition I was actually really quite nervous about in awhile, and I just really wasn't with it. I screwed up a lot of rhythm, and tragically, I couldn't sing any of the really low notes. I must've been having a bad day. Some of the judges gave me 200 out of 300 points on my songs, one gave me 100. "You don't have the low C" all underlined is kind of a blow to a guy like me. Let me tell you, O judge panel of great gluttony--I have it--I have a fucking bag full of them that I will throw through your window late at night.

Sightreading is the other part of the pre-area audition. You know, they give you a little staff with some notes on it and you've got to sing the right pitches and rhythms, no matter what you do it on. I guess you could sing it in quacks or barks as long as it was in tune. To be honest, I thought I did awfully after coming out of it--I really don't think I'm good at setting my own tempo and sort of conducting myself, and besides that I never practiced the stuff--but I got about 59 out of 60 points on it, so I can at least say that I aced half of the thing.

Aside from music, my grades aren't really all that good, which is nothing new for the four years I've been going to KHS. I'm really kind of sick of school but I get along well this year because of people. Punching all the doors open also helps to relieve stress.

Kieron and the Gillespies are coming back to town, I don't know if I've already mentioned this. Come to think of it, they're probably already here and looking for a house. All I know is that they're going to live in the Houston area again. Don't worry, I won't take up EverQuest again but to be honest I'd love to have a nicer computer to play Half-Life 2 and the like with.

I guess I was tired enough to ramble like I used to with my blog entries; I really need to get back into doing that as it's very satisfying.

~turn up the bass, captain