This, my friends, is why the low-carb dieting trend is fucking retarded. I'm not even going to use any scientific data, charts, or nutritional studies or some bullshit like that. I'm just going to give you plain common sense, which is really all I ever do in this blog.

Americans eat too Goddamn much. It's not just too much carbs, or too much protein, or too much starch, or too much fat. It's too much everything. Go out to eat and find me a place that doesn't serve you a portion that isn't about the size of your head. Especially in Texas. We're just gluttons, that's all. It's damned ridiculous to think that eating less CEREAL will make us lose that extra 200 pounds we've packed on. If you're cutting the cereal, try cutting the hundred strips of bacon, multiple chunks of sausage doused in grease and maple syrup and butter, and oily hash browns you eat at McDonalds every morning when you're on the way to not exercising.

Another really damn simple point: if you've ever paid any attention in school, you know about the Law of Conservation of Energy (or Mass)). Food is energy, idiots. Therefore, if you ingest food, and do not expend energy by moving around, then the energy will get deposited in your gut. It doesn't Goddamn matter if it's in the form of carbohydrates or coconut oil or whatever. I mean, what the fuck?

I know, of course, that some people have diabetes, metabolic disorders, etc. and that's okay, because I'm really just flaming stupid dieting trends; it'd be retarded to tell Stephen Hawking to go run a mile. Maybe I don't have much say in the issue anyway because I weigh 145 and have the metabolism of a hummingbird, but I happen to move around a LOT. I mow lawns, work out, ride my bike, walk home from school occasionally, and actually, have a hard time keeping weight. I imagine if I just sat here all summer and ate the sheer amount of calories I eat daily right now, I wouldn't be quite so trim. I mean, Christ, I just ate a whole damn pizza.

First album comes out late summer '04 when I further master my mixing utils...

Schwiggity Schiggity Schweed

You are WEED.


What Drug Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Survey~

Series One: Yourself
-- Name: John Gray Heidelmeier
-- Birthdate: Aug. 23, 1987
-- Birthplace: Austin, TX
-- Current location: Spring, TX
-- Eye color: blue
-- Hair color: blonde
-- Righty or lefty: righty, though an interesting fact that no one probably cares about is that I used to be left-handed, but broke my arm when I was six or so and damaged some nerves so now I'm right-handed.
-- Zodiac sign: virgo
-- Innie or outtie: innie

Series Two: Describe your ...
-- Heritage: German
-- Shoes you wore today: some ten-dollar sneakers from Michael's that I got, like, a year and a half ago
-- Hair: shoulder-length
-- Weakness: hot lattes, hot women
-- Fears: blowing my nose in first period and finding out in sixth that I've got something on the front of my shirt
-- Perfect pizza: one made by me
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: just have fun, really

Series Three: What is ...
-- The most over-used phrase on aol\aim you use: "shit!"
-- The first thought when waking up: "Today is not-caring day! The day where I go to school, and DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING!"
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: hair (length especially, short dark hair is sexy)
-- The best name for a butler: Mukluk
-- Your best physical features: my eyelashes; they're abnormally long for a man, and someday, when I am cornered by a street gang in San Francisco, I will flutter them and a band of gay pride paraders will come to my aid with rainbow bats; either that, or ask Brittney Glasscock
-- Your greatest accomplishment: figuring out what I want to do with my life
-- Your most missed memory: spring trip, freshman year


Series Four: Do you prefer ...
-- Pepsi or Coke: I think they both really taste like chemicals
-- Single or Group dates: either, really
-- Adidas or Nike: Adidas, because their logo is cooler
-- Lipton ice tea or Nestea: I actually prefer TRA SAM RAU BAP
-- Cappucino or Coffee: Cappucino
-- Boxers or Briefs: briefs

Series Five: Do you ...
-- Smoke: No, I enjoy the prospect of being able to breathe until I die
-- Sing well: I can hit the fucking low H
-- Take a shower everyday: yes
-- Think you've been in love: had a taste or two
-- Want to get married: to be honest, I don't know. I actually don't think I could live with somebody, and not because they would annoy me, but because I would annoy the hell out of them.
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys: yes, I played EverQuest for three years
-- Believe in yourself: quite a bit
-- Get motion sickness: no, but I hate rollercoasters anyway
-- Think you're attractive: enough to get a few stares that aren't just because I'm liberal
-- Think you're a health freak: I take good care of myself
-- Get along with parents: yes
-- Play an instrument: my voice

Series Six: In the past month, did/have you ...
-- Drank alcohol: yes
-- Smoke(d): no
-- Done a drug: no
-- Had sex: no
-- Go on a date: no
-- Go to the mall: yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: yes
-- Eaten sushi: probably
-- Been on stage: yes
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: no
-- Been skinny dipping: nope
-- Dyed your hair: no
-- Stolen anything: I guess the RIAA would say I have

Series Seven: People ...
-- Who know you the best: Larkin, Julia
-- Who are the funniest: Sterling
-- Can sing the best: Mary
-- Best dressed: Emily
-- Person you can tell anything to: Julia
-- Most emotional:
-- Tallest: Rob
-- Shortest: Mary
-- Farthest away: don't really have any pen pals
-- Closest: Sterling
-- Person(s) you'd like to see more: everyone
-- Craziest: Larkin, Sterling (who put chocolate syrup on the freaking hot dogs)
-- Closest friend: I've got several
-- Closest family member: pops

IT'S OVER!

SHIT, FUCK, YES!

The Latter Day Saints trust me far too much.

School's Like, Over and Shit

Well, fixed my internet. Turns out the wiring in the walls of my house wasn't screwed up (thank fucking christ, I didn't to hack apart drywall and crimp new cables and sockets), but my network hub blew up in the crappy weather we had, so until I get a new one I'm just plugging my wall outlet right into my computer. So, like, if you IM me now I'll see it instantly instead of in three minutes or so.

Banquet was really quite enjoyable last night. Officer's skits were actually really hysterical this year, the food was nice and, like, I had a sexy date and stuff. Only regrettable part is that "Cotten-Eyed Joe" was never one of my favorite tunes, but the slow songs made up for the squaredancing which I did not take part in. Goddamn Texans!

I think that one of these days I'm just going to keel over like a tired mule in the heat while on my seventh lawn of the day, but until then I'm making a pretty substantial amount of money, more than enough, in fact, to pay for my modeling classes. I had my first one of those Thursday, and it seemed actually worth my money; this Columbian guy who'd been in the industry for 17 years or something was our teacher for the first class, and so he gave us a lot of his own background in addition to telling us all this nutritional/fitness junk we needed to know (but I pretty much already did). I think personal experience is a better guide in this kind of profession than anything, especially coming from another male model, because you can sort of figure out what to expect in the way of work depending on your features and body type. Also, it was nice because the other people in there weren't nearly as stupid as you'd assume--in fact, I was actually able to get along with them.

http://www.djdoboy.com/mixes/mixes.html

This guy is phenomenal, download his vocal trance volume 26.

A doggy followed me on the way home. He was all friendly and didn't bark at stupid shit or even smell awful. I think if it's still lost tomorrow I'm going to kill my dog and replace her with the nice stray.

So I'm expected to write an essay tomorrow on Catch 22, which, for analytical purposes, has no plot whatsoever. I just know, too, that the prompt will be like, "What rhetorical strategies did Joseph Heller use to convey Yossarian's relation to the feminist movement" or "What rhetorical strategies did Joseph Heller not use to convey Yossarian's relation to the feminist movement". It's going to suck, because for once I've read the book, and enjoyed it even; but I couldn't pull some bullshit symbolism out of it if I tried. The hell with it.

School is troublesome. I don't really mind it that much, but it's troublesome, and the only class I really look forward to attending anymore is choir, and we're singing some real crap in there right now.

Also, fuck, because it's 9:34 and I'm beginning to actually wake up rather than fall asleep. Actually have experienced some realistic symptoms of insomnia recently, not the stuff emo-ish people talk about to sound depressing... Can't sleep at all until I take a bunch of antihistamines despite working a lot, and occasionally space out and can't hear what anyone's saying, stuff like that. I think Larkin's right and I should take it easy for awhile.

And, I think the new blog layout kind of sucks. I liked it better when I could just click on my blog name and start writing my post without all these tacky beige tabs.

It's amazing how good I am at mowing lawns when my own looks like shit. I guess maybe that's because I don't get paid for it, but damn! I mowed the backyard today and honestly would've rather used a machete than my edger.

Yesterday, Sterling's dad was busy building a patio in his backyard, so he periodically dropped Sterling and I off with some equipment at different places to do lawns by ourselves. We only did four, but it felt like about twice that much; after two, I foolishly offered to help Mr.Morris and Ryan move 32 80-pound bags of concrete mix off the trailer before going back to work. Needless to say, my back felt sort of like concrete this morning.

Nobody's ever around on Sundays. Next weekend, I think I'm going to maybe go to JavaJazz to hang out. I've never been, but Rob says it's fun despite shitty music, and I need to find a hangout. I was going to go with Todd to see Impathy on Friday, but the bastard decided to clean his room instead. But yeah, if anyone wants to go with me sometime, just say so.

Can't remember if I've taken this quiz or not, but I'm bored off my rocker so I might just unleash a vomitation of them.


You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I ate a blackberry today, and unbeknownst to me, there was a fire ant sitting on it. I reached inside my mouth to pull something off my cheek after chewing up the berry, and realized that the little guy had clamped onto my epithelial cells, which fortunately saved me of a poisonous oral wound.

Just thought you might want to know.

Also realized something today as I was speculating on my bike ride; nobody seems to really look at the sky anymore. I looked up to see a huge, wispy V of orange cirrus cloud moving through the air like a gigantic phoenix, while I was, incidentally, eating berries at a dead end in a new development. I also saw a cloud that looked like a fine-toothed comb. Does anybody notice this stuff anymore? We're always walking around, looking ahead of us, watching for stuff on the ground, looking down at homework assignments, down at the concrete, down at the grass, but never up anymore. Is it because the sky doesn't mean anything for us now that we've figured out the science behind it, and eradicated the myth that the sun is a huge, semi-conscious ball of "ether" (yes, Lucretius again)? Looking at the world as a collection of protons and neutrons and beta waves and air currents and pressure zones and chemical reactions is cool with me, but it's as if some people forget to realize that no matter how trivial the knowledge of their existence, molecules and mundane scientific phenomena such as clouds and trees are still beautiful.

This week's turning around. I think I'll be fully recovered from my sickness tomorrow. In the future, I think it would probably be wise to not follow up five days of riding my bike too hard/dehydrating myself in the process with riding my bike too hard again, in the cold, after it rained. I guess I take exercise too seriously. Or not seriously enough to consider my welfare. But damned if you'll see me lurching around with atherosclerosis and a beer belly in thirty years!

We're watching a movie based on a British play (The Importance of Being Earnest) in English. It's probably pretty good, but my level of energy makes it more boring than funny.

Has anybody ever read On the Nature of Things by the philosopher Lucretius? I've got this great philosophy book that I found at a garage sale which has an excerpt from book V of it. The guy was so ahead of his time! He was born in 99 B.C. and died in 55 B.C., but he rejected the mythical "everything has a consciousness or will of its own, or is ordained by god" system of thought as pure folly, and based on pure reasoning, made some really fascinating conjectures about astronomy, chiefly the way the sun and the moon move in relation to the earth, and that the moon isn't a stupid god, but just reflects the light of the sun. He also makes some interesting points in saying that it's foolish to believe we'll be around for eternity (not only us, but heaven and earth), but that the only reason everything works as well as it does in the universe is because of constant replenishment, or more familiarly, conservation of energy/matter. He goes so far as to imply that life and death are fundamentally equal, and that the "soul" or mind cannot exist without the flesh. The guy was a real pessimist and a skeptic, in other words, which means he was sort of like me. It pisses me off that I can digest his prose but can't get higher than a 76 on an algebra 2 quiz on conics.

Hey kids! When Clinton lied, NOBODY DIED! Can you believe George Bush is asking for another 25 billion dollars from Congress to use on his little war against the "axis of evil"? The pompous asshole is so confident about his re-election that he's setting aside funds for his next administration now, just so he can keep his war going on, well, indefinitely. I read a CNN article today that said his administration expected to keep troops in Iraq indefinitely. Really. I'm beyond political discussion on this one, but correct me if I'm wrong here: when angry people are shooting at you with AK-47s and rocket launchers, maybe the best course of action is to GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE! That's right! Just go! Then we wouldn't have any horror stories about our--excuse me, I meant the government's--troops being mangled by a raging mob in the streets of Baghdad. Oh, and we wouldn't be Goddamn torturing people. You know what's sick? The president spoke to the Iraqi people and said he was appalled at this whole let's-let-our-prisoners-of-war-rot incident, but didn't apologize. The president is the fucking spokesman for the country. He's as much an ambassador as anyone, and it should be him--not some general in full uniform that refers to the armed forces as "my army"--that apologizes.

And you know, I was thinking. Fine, go to war; attempt to liberate a persecuted people. That's cool. But don't go it alone and lose all your allies. I've always said that no matter who the president is, I can't do a better job than him. Recently I've realized however, that my foreign policy would consist of either being isolationist, or cooperating completely with allies. You're either staying the hell out of it, or you're all for it with your buddies. And really, anyone who's ever played Age of Empires knows that if you're at a LAN party and try to take on everyone yourself without the help of your allies, you get screwed in the end. And we're getting screwed right now by people who lie to us about taxing the rich. Sure you'll tax people whose income is over 200,000 dollars a year, but those aren't CONSTANT FUCKING DOLLARS! You forgot to account for inflation (or decided not to, because most Americans aren't politically informed enough to realize little loopholes like that), dumbasses, and that puts no strain on the rich, and more on the middle-class.

That felt good. It felt good, too, when the story on the torture chambers was followed up by a report on a man who dropped a nailgun and shot six iron spikes into the back of his head, but miraculously lived. Don't you just love American news?

I saw the greatest bumper sticker on the internet. It says, "Bush lies, people DIE."

Just when stuff's goin great I gotta get sick. Well, I won't stand for it, I tells ya. I'll take enough vitamin C to turn my blood into sulfuric acid, and then I'll drink enough fluids to drown an elephant, because people say that's good for you. And I did take a nap and decided not to edge my backyard today, even though I'm stubborn and don't like to admit defeat or weakness.

Nice day today. We'll be watching a movie in English for the rest of the week, working on the last chapter or two in history, and doing quantum mechanics in physics, which is supposedly easier than what we normally do, although I don't buy it. I raised my algebra grade from a 68 to an 85 on the progress report, and what's more, Emily said she'd go to choir banquet with me today. Glee! I'm overjoyed to not have to go alone or not at all, and Emily's really cool.

That's all for now, more later when I'm not asleep or in the process of taking some sort of cold medication.

You know, I'm certain that you could trace the history of my life by making a timeline that marked every time someone tried to convert me to some sect of Christianity and failed.