bleg

First best friend: billy butler
First car: don't have one yet. it'll probably be a small used pickup truck.
First break-up: er, naschelle taylor
First screen name: JohnH778. creative shit, man
First self purchased album: Meridith Brooks. Oh yeah.
First funeral: great-grandmother that I'd never met
First pets: that cat, TC, that died recently at the age of 17
First piercing/tattoo: I stapled my thumb through once, and daily I tattoo my homework on my palm.
First credit card: I kind of stay away from those
First true love: it's kind of hard to say since I fall madly in love with people all the time.
First enemy: this goddamn kid pushed me off a floaty thing in the pool once. I swear by the soul of my dead mother that I will kill him.
First big trip: probably from austin to nevada
First music you remember hearing in your house: willie nelson
Last cigarette: I don't touch the stuff because I've seen what it does to people
Last car ride: rob driving me home
Last good cry: months and months ago
Last library book checked out: I haven't been to the library in a long, long time.
Last movie seen: spiderman
Last beverage drank: tasty water
Last food consumed: chicken soup
Last crush: nicole
Last phone call: good ol' jeff smith at the modeling agency
Last shoes worn: black tennis shoes
Last item bought: black shirt at salvation army
Last annoyance: the fact that it was november 29th, 80 degrees outside, and 86% humidity. I HATE TEXAS~
Last time wanting to die: I never want to die, I occasionally want other people to
Last time scolded: I don't get scolded, I get argued with.

Relationships
Who are your best friends? rob, todd, sterling
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? sure don't

Stuff
Where is your favorite place to shop? salvation army, left-handed monkey
Any tattoos or piercings? see above

Specifics
Do you do drugs? I took aspirin the other day. whoa. hardcore.
What kind of shampoo do you use? herbal essences, the one that the chick in the commercial is using and it instantly gives her an orgasm
What are you most scared of? not the consequences of fucking up, but people criticizing me for doing so.
What are you listening to right now? hummmmmmmmmmmmmm
Where do you want to get married? I really don't romanticize the concept like the rest of society
How many buddies are online right now? 25/95
What would you change about yourself? I'd have better skin

Favorites
Color: red
Food: sushis
Boys' names: what?
Girls' names: blah
Subjects in school: any subject where I actually care to pay attention
Animals: cats
Perfume: uomo by alviero martini

Have you ever...
Given anyone a bath? Besides myself? not a bath, mind you, unless you count the dogs
Smoked? no, though I've probably inhaled enough from hanging out with old hunters in south texas to qualify a yes for this question
Bungee jumped? no, it doesn't seem like a really great idea
Made yourself throw up? nah
Skinny dipped? no
Been in love? yeah
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? no, though I've been known to fake sickness so well that I make myself sick
Pictured your crush naked? yes
Actually seen your crush naked? nah
Cried when someone died? yes
Lied? more than you can possibly imagine
Fallen for your best friend? ...
Been rejected? yeah
Rejected someone? once or twice
Used someone? no
Done something you regret? I can't think of anything that really stands out

Current
Clothes: green t-shirt and khaki shorts. no, I'm not a highschool freshman, I was just working out.
Music: none, which must be remedied
Make-up: right, I was practicing my eyeliner-applying-technique
Annoyance: someone honked at me tonight and I just about jumped onto a streetlight
Smell: dust. it's a dusty room.
Desktop picture: evangelion unit 01
DVD in player: I don't have one of those new-fangled contraptions
Color of toenails: whatever color they're supposed to be, I hope

Last person...
You touched: alex pankonien. I poked him and was like, "that's faux suede!"
Hugged: julia
You imed: nicole nguyen
You kissed: larkin

Who do you wanna...
Kill: the president
Slap: his entire goddamned cabinet
Get high with: bob marley. in the afterlife.
Look like: legolaas! no, not really, it's just the only person I could think of me resembling
Talk to offline: anyone who's willing
Talk to online: I typically let people IM me

Which is better?
Coke or Pepsi: dr.pepper, sirs
Flowers or candy: candy flowers
Tall or short: Tall

Random
In the morning I am: it depends. this morning I did 60 pushups and felt all awesome and ate pancakes. some mornings I can't walk in a straight line.
All i need is: myself
Love is: hard to find but worth the trouble
I dream about: I dream about some fucked up stuff, but it's just silly weirdness, nothing really morbid or nightmarish
What do you notice first with guys/girls: Guys: "son of a bitch needs to learn to use a belt"
Girls: eyes/hair color
Last person you danced with: nicole
Worst question to ask: "will you have sex with me in the bathroom?"
Who makes you laugh the most: eddie
Who makes you smile: happy couples. I am not one bothered by PDA, to be honest.
Who gives you a funny feeling when you see them: what an awful question to answer.
Who do you have a crush on: william hung
Who has a crush on you: one or two people I would imagine

Do you ever...
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM you: nah
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: no. guys have it too easy
Wish you were younger: not really, I sometimes think I'm too old for my age

Number
Of times i have had my heart broken: nothing that I didn't really get over. once or twice.
Of hearts i have broken: one
Of continents i have lived in: one
Of tight friends: 5ish
Of cds i own: two
Of scars on body: maybe eight, mostly on my hands and legs

Sorry, that was probably really boring.

Got my hair cut today. It's so wavy... I'll try and have a picture up later.

Thanksgiving was uneventful. My grandparents have moved into a smaller house in a little subdivision. I probably walked 20 miles just to have some time alone, and besides that it was really nice and cold. I got to cook for a whole day only to find out that my relatives were eating thanksgiving dinner at their relatives' house and were coming over to my grandparents' for leftovers. Allriight.

Hurray, men's choir tomorrow. Fuck.

Sterling's birthday party was fun. My right ear still hurts from Ben Jackson's masterful vocal performance but I avoided becoming deaf by stepping outside to talk to Allison until he left. Whew. I played the drums.

Currently powered by TEH REDHAT LINUX 9.0!!!!1 I figured out how to install programs. It's more complicated than you'd think. When you download most linux apps they don't come with little self installers, but you've actually got to compile the source files yourself when you download them. So currently, in order to install the linux version of winamp, I need to download glib, in order to compile gtk, in order to install gcc, the real compiler, so that I can install xmms (linux winamp).

Why am I doing this? Well, I thought it'd be a good idea to get directx 9.0c, but it obviously wasn't, because I downloaded the bastard and when I installed it, my network card kind of quit working.

tasty honey made from not so tasty bees >.<

Whoa, so I went down to the creek and it was all full of water, right, so it was like WHOOSH FWOOM splipple blip, very meditative and the moon was all like "AAAA MOTHERLAND PROJECT MEDUSA VS. EXOR"

Bake a tasty pie while everyone's asleep...

I made cookies the other day for the poetry club meeting consisting of peanut butter, chocolate chips, oats, honey, cinnamon, and nutmeg. They seemed well received. This meeting was a lot of fun as it was at my second favorite place, Milano's, where I got a huge americano and got to sit around looking at the rain until everyone arrived. Snizzle. Pop. Crackenspiel.

Good god, it rains. I am sad because I forgot to cover my workout equipment and now all of my weights are wet. Luckily the weights are encased in plastic but I really hope my bench doesn't rust a whole lot. I have to dry the stuff off when it quits raining.

Blech. The first four periods are sluggish this year. They're not really that difficult so I remain pretty happy throughout them all, but by about third period I get really restless and need to go move around. I plodded around in the mud today as a stress relief, since, well, if you wear combat boots to school, that ought to be one of the things you do with them.

I think when I can drive, a wonderful new concept for me is going to be going to Starbucks alone when I'm really bored in the evening. I love sitting in a coffee shop alone. There's so much stuff to observe and you can just relax. Not saying that sitting around with friends is a bad thing but even looking out the window in Milano's today by myself was real nice. It's the same feeling I get when I just go down to the creek in Spring Creek Oaks and nap on the concrete, which I may consider abstaining from this evening as the creek is going to be very full of waters.

Bench update: 175. I improved five pounds in less than a week. Sweet.

Waking up too late in the morning is bad, because you miss the bus. But, you get more sleep. If I had a car of my own I'd do this every day.

Yeah. In other news, this really cute girl I hardly know has asked me to make out with her about twelve times now. It's funny, because I almost don't know how to even understand the kind of thing she's asking me. I was always used to spontaneous romantic stuff like that happening to Sterling. I dunno. She's got a really badass car.

reelfrootsmoothee

Reached new bench press: 170. Woo.

I, John Heidelmeier, think Halo 2 is retarded.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, it's time to talk about my day as if I had recently created my journal and was still enthusiastic about doing so. I heard bad speeches in 1st period today, probably about as bad as my own. I think the teacher was lecturing us on something in Economics. Meh. There is a girl in German who wants to brush my hair and do various other things with me in the men's restroom. I have made a point of being either way, way too busy to talk or way, way too sleepy to talk the past several days in that class. The good part about German though is I just kind of eat cookies.

In other news, I did my English homework on the way to English, sat around in the practice-room-in-the-back drinking sodas in choir with a few agreeable sophomores and one junior who's a complete fucking narcissist that loves to hear his voice. "Tenors, let's hear you from measure 10." And then this damn bass 2 will sing along with them, or do some obnoxious thing because he's full of himself after making second in region. Whee. He sings the warmups in the exact opposite way we do them so he'll stand out; if we sing a scale from low to high, he'll sing from high to low and brag about how well it harmonizes. I wish to hit him with a truck full, oh, very full, of rocks.

Nearly didn't go to pre-area rehearsal today, as only three people showed up, me and the narcissist including. I was heading out of the choir room to maybe idiotically sit around with the lit club, but then I learned that Mr.Raddin would be rehearsing us, so I stayed, because Mr.Raddin is cool and shit.

I got a real fruit smoothie today. Real. Fruit. Smoothie.

more tired than tires which are so freakin tired because all they do all day is roll around on concrete which is tiring, ever thought about that?

I love oreos. However, I do not love it when oreos are the only thing I have for lunch. I really need to start packing stuff, but that would necessitate me waking up even earlier in the morning. Ugh. Baggy eyes.

I learned recently that my childhood (I say childhood because I think I was pretty childish my freshman year) friend, Kieron Gillespie, is moving back to Houston. I figure me and Rob are going to buy him some enchiladas, since we owe him. We decided that if we hadn't spent so much Goddamn time either at his house or playing EverQuest, we probably would've turned into complete assholes. The lesson learned is that computer games keep kids off the streets, right?

I was paranoid recently about failing a class and not being able to go to region, but that's probably just because I screwed up so badly last year at spring trip, since there was no chance of me actually failing. For some reason I thought I had, like, a 50 in English but I have an 80. The incredible fear almost made me start working hard.

Mowed a lawn yesterday, worked out too much the day before. I feel really worn out from feeling anxious and speculative and nervous and hyperactive and excited about a zillion different things. Something is missing from my life. I bought an apple dumpling from this rather cute employee person at the Ren Fest, and she asked me if I was all alone. I answered yes. Life is still pretty easy in any case. It seems like all the strength I've accumulated from the weight training is just extending my ability to do shit, like work. I did so much damn stuff Sunday and barely got to sleep because of the energy I still had available. Region choir's this weekend, it's going to kick ass. Thoughts a r e n o t c o h e r e n t currently.

So I was at HEB, buying sauce. For our pasta. And I see this sauce, on the shelf, called Vodka Sauce. I got it. It was good. This is the most uneventful blog post ever. I have to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeP.

allright~

And now, in early morning impulsiveness, a list of 50 things you may or may not know about me.

1. My middle name is Gray, which is the last name of my father's friend in Florida who is a gun enthusiast, a racist, and a taxidermist.
2. I have a heart murmur which means absolutely nothing unless the draft is reinstated.
3. I hate it when people say "you're so random. gosh, what randomness. what a random thing to do." I find it grammatically absurd. You draw numbers at random, you don't randomly do something. You impulsively do something, or you're spontaneous in your manner of decision-making, know what I'm sayin?
4. I ate beef tongue for dinner tonight.
5. I actually enjoy hunting and love firearms, despite being extremely liberal.
6. I had a kitten that died, and my mother put it in the freezer. She has since buried it, but my other, older cat died, and then my mother put it in the freezer. Every morning when I get frozen fruit or something out of the deep freeze, there is a dead cat in a shoebox next to the bananas.
7. Nearly half my warddrobe comes from second-hand clothing stores.
8. I know a shit lot about computers. I'm currently using one that I built, and I built the 3.3ghz machine my mother uses for her business. Ironically, computers piss me off and I'd never be comfortable with a computer-related career.
9. I have a switchblade in my pocket.
10. I have no fucking initiative whatsoever regarding academic pursuits, and I know it.
11. I often see incredibly tragic, serious things happen, and find some way to be optimistic, if not bitterly satirical, about them.
12. I mow a lawn owned by a woman who keeps turtles. On the lawn. I am horribly frightened that one day, I will paint the grass red with the insides of a turtle.
13. I love chocolate. If you ever get me any amount of chocolate, chances are it will not be around anymore in a day. It's kind of a problem I have.
14. Especially dark chocolate.
15. I really like Japanese anime, but am really, really picky about what I watch or read. Rightfully so. There's some scary shit out there.
16. I Goddamned love coffee.
17. I am addicted to working out. When I have nothing else to do, I pick up heavy things and put them down again until I am sore, and the idea of always getting stronger because of it is very satisfying to me.
18. I enjoy a good bagel.
19. I prefer the green kind.
20. I find it absurd when men complain about wearing ties. They are not uncomfortable; they are made of silk, idiots. If men were forced to wear ties made out of, say, rusty iron chains, then I would complain too. We should all try wearing high heels.
21. I'd love to dye my hair black sometime, but I want to become a model and don't want to change my look dramatically.
22. I want to become a model to make money for school, but I lack initiative to get started. I think I will get it done anyway as the idea is quite romantic.
23. I'm a little bit nearsighted.
24. I once fixed a huge cracked section of my driveway by pounding it apart with a sledgehammer and filling it in with concrete. It was fun, and I still wish I had more things to hit with a sledgehammer.
25. I like to write but never feel like I have anything to write about.
26. I like America.
27. Not too crazy about 51% of the inhabitants.
28. I think football is dumb. My entire extended family disagrees.
29. I really, really like gothic clothing and radically dyed hair. I do not like drugs, alcohol, and being needlessly depressed about the only life I've got.
30. I like wearing a suit and tie every once in awhile, just for the hell of it.
31. I make techno music by the use of a software studio I illegally downloaded and taught myself to use. I'm not very good.
32. I refuse to sing for people when they ask me to. But I got tenth in region choir.
33. If I had studied visual art more, I'd probably be good at it, as there's a lot of talent in my family. But I didn't. So fuck it.
34. I take great delight in having a deep voice, but am surprised when people mistake me for my father when I answer the phone. Occasionally I catch myself answering with a very Southern "Yello."
35. I would love to live in New York City amidst all the activity.
36. I am probably one of the few humans who does not aspire to marriage, having kids, or even living with anybody. I don't like the idea of being socially alone, but I truly cannot imagine myself co-existing with another person.
37. I think it's crazy that some people had no clue as to the fundamental differences between the presidential candidates.
38. When I look at the giant American flag in the choir room, I cannot think of anything else except that very flag being aflame. It has nothing to do with any political fury, it's just that I think fire is pretty, and I'd like to see some during fifth period.
39. I really don't know how to take compliments.
40. I hate telephones. I cannot stand talking to someone over a wire. It always seems as though I can't understand the person I'm talking to at all.
41. My grandparents don't know that I'm the most blasphemous atheist ever.
42. I don't see myself having another girlfriend until I get the hell out of Texas, as nice as it would be.
43. I really don't like standleaders.
44. I broke my left arm this one time and due to shortened tendons I can't move my fingers a certain way. It's kind of a bitch when I do pushups.
45. I enjoy walking around at about this time at night. It is ironic because I like the quiet absence of people, yet I'd like to have someone to walk with.
46. I wear steel-toed combat boots most of the time at school. So if you trip over my toe, you really don't need to apologize, because I didn't feel a thing, and I'm more worried about you.
47. I can eat pounds and pounds of sushi and weird shit like beef tongue burritos but I have never had food poisoning and the last time I got sick and threw up was at least six years ago.
48. I have never passed out in my life. I really can't imagine what it's like.
49. My room is a fucking mess. I clean it, like, once a year, and then in a few days it gets really dirty again. One of the reasons I can't live with people.
50. I have a hard time thinking of things to put on these surveys and lists.

The GOP can't make a pie like this.

Well, I guess this is what America wanted. We've now got all three branches of the government in Republican hands. Eleven states voted to ban gay marriage last night. We're going to be stuck in the same war forever, and all that tax cut money is going to continue being funneled into the hands of the wrong people.

Hey, listen.

For those of you readers who are 18, I can't stress enough how much we need a new president. Vote for Kerry. Don't forget that whoever wins is going to be in charge for the next four years of our life--probably the most important. We're all heading off in some direction, whether it be school, the workforce, or even the military. Come on, guys. Vote for a guy who won't give our money to the rich and claim to be a compassionate politician. Vote for someone whose close buddies aren't guilty of corporate fraud. Don't forget that if we vote in Bush again, we're going to be paying off the federal deficit when we need to be paying off our goddamn college loans. Don't let the idea of tax cuts ensnare you. We're smarter than that, and we ought to know that tax cuts ought to go to families like ours rather than to Ken Lay and Dick Cheney.

And let's vote for a guy who's actually got a plan to get us out of that country in the Middle East.

This is the strangest morning I have ever experienced. I'm so alert and content with things, it's like I've reached some meditative Zen enlightenment thing. Usually I feel kind of like ass.

Maybe Kerry is going to win.