Has anyone else just ever wondered what the fuck is wrong with our generation? We're a whole bunch of losers--we're medicated for the things people used to have to deal with in their youth, we don't give a shit about global issues or anything else for that matter, we have no work ethic whatsoever, constantly depressed or acting like it, worried about our weight, what our friends think about us, unsure of our identities, we have no idea where we're going or what we're supposed to do in life. We drink, smoke, snort, and shoot up to escape the reality that isn't that bad.

We don't believe in ourselves, we have no sense of ethics or morality yet we're quick to pass judgement on the immoral, thanks to the propaganda of our government. We're confused when there's nothing to be confused about, we all listen to terrible, terrible music about how much life sucks (see Linkin Park, bottom of page), and we have almost no culture. Why do we make life out to be so grave, so serious when it's meant to be a good time punctuated by stupidly easy decisions? The only people who look like they have a sense of purpose are religious fanatics!

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright

(shut the fuck up and get a job!)

grilled kajiki

Today and yesterday have been some of the best workdays ever. My game, so to speak, is on. I am on my game. You know.

I am addicted to this place that I live. It's an obsession, almost. Maybe everyone is like this about their first apartment, but this place is fucking adorable. I would take some more up-to-date pictures but it'll have to wait until I buy batteries tomorrow. We've got the big lobster platter (thanks Mom and Dad), the floor lamp with different-colored bulbs, the nice cutting board, utensils and pans hanging on the walls, shelf full of cookbooks and muffin pans and rolling pins. And lovely green plants that aren't dying anymore (transplant was badly needed)!

In other news, my "ex" and I have gotten back together. We sort of went our seperate ways at the beginning of the summer since she was going on a school-related tour of several Asian countries for the summer, but now that she's back, we picked up where we left off. This makes me happy; we get along well, in the sense that I can't even remember us ever having a fight or argument. She also brought me back coffee beans and spices from Cambodia, which is a surefire way to win my heart.

Tonight for a VIP amuse-bouche, I made an heirloom tomato concassè with chardonnay, fresh basil, garlic, shallot, and our five-spice duck confit. Hopefully, sensual creations like this will eventually earn me a place in Hell as the devil's personal chef.

slow enough for photography

Grilled Hawaiian opah. Heirloom tomato salad with Hawaiian sea salt, cracked black pepper, and chiffonaded shiso leaves. Fingerling potato rissolè with apple-smoked bacon and local sweet corn.

Mise en place.

My home away from home.

The wok station.

The opah, a halibut, and an "Asian Cioppino".

wtf mates

Just one of those thoughts, that you have when you wake up:











What is the deal with people wearing sunglasses that are big enough for a fucking rhinocerous?

i did not have sexual relations with that barista.

So, how are things in Pittsburgh, you ask?

The studio, the one that I live in, is truly a home now. Thing I have never even considered the possibility of owning are now staples of my everyday life. I have my own couch, my own desk, chair, coffee table, bed. I have an espresso machine, a toaster, a microwave. Lamps, shelves, a fan. All of these things I have acquired with my own power, and now they exist solely to improve the quality of my life! Life is wonderful! I am very glad, in retrospect, to have moved into this specific apartment, and to have chosen living on my own over finding another roommate.

At work, I sweat for many hours every day. I make things which are delicious in very enjoyable ways. It's true what they say about cooking, though: it's a very rewarding job. Even on the busy nights, the ones where you swear and burn and cut yourself and feel like you're not even there, like you're just some little thing in a cockpit
controlling arms and legs, manipulating hot pans and food, when you hear about a customer having a dining experience they'll never forget, your day is made. A server came in the other day and told me their customer said a halibut was the "best thing they've ever eaten" and it justified 55 hours a week, callouses and scars, having to teach the FNG (fucking new guy) how to deep-fry an order of calamari. There are few ways to escape having to deal with the real world. I don't deal with politics or business, really--my life is only about making people feel good on a level that has nothing to do with the bullshit of the human race.






So I'm figuring out the guitar on a pretty basic level, and slowly. Teaching yourself is not easy but I've been giving all the time I can to it, playing scales and chords until my fingertips are rough, which is, I guess, how that works. It's fun. I like making noise.

I was surprised to learn the other day that I do not actually live alone--I have a small, gray companion who lives behind the radiator, evidently in some hole underneath the loose carpet. I saw the mouse for the first time two nights ago as I was eating toast. He was crawling around my feet and it surprised me how unafraid he was of the monstrous sneakers he was exploring. Anyway, rather than waging war against that which is not desirable in some peoples' eyes, I decided to name my little friend Renoir and live with him in harmony. Besides, this is not a very expensive apartment.

(artwork by sterling)

~organic food, cage-free hens, better
to know who grows your produce
than who your tax dollars kill

The espresso and rock station.

A romaine salad with red onion, garlic, manzanilla olives, cherry tomatoes, and smoked salmon. Dressed with Marca Verde extra virgin olive oil and strawberry-infused balsamic vinegar.

this is kind of cute.

Put your iTunes/Winamp/WMP on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. No cheating.

1. How does the world see you?
willie nelson - on the road again

2. Will I have a happy life?
system of a down - jet pilot

3. What do my friends think of me?
john coltrane - everytime we say goodbye

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
beethoven - flight of the bumblebee

5. How can I make myself happy?
bush - letting the cables sleep

6. What should I do with my life?
air - playground love

7. Will I ever have children?
dj tiesto - obsession

not sure what that means.

8. What is some good advice for me?
led zepplin - over the hills and far away

9. How will I be remembered?
skinny puppy - chainsaw

10. What's my signature dancing song?
sigur ros - hjartad hamast

11. What's my current theme song?
iron maiden - charlotte the harlot

12. What do others think is my current theme song?
frank sinatra - fly me to the moon

what?

13. What shall they play at my funeral?
the ramones - what a wonderful world

nice.

14. What type of women do I like?
antinomie - ibiza megamix 2003

15. How's my love life?
the weakerthans - our retired explorer

Oh, man. 1983 Honda Nighthawk CB550SC. Shaft-driven, 900 bucks.

Sorry for sliding into the abyss lately, I've just been busy with work, the guitar, things of this nature. My paycheck today is for ninety-nine hours. It pays some bills, that's for sure.

Speaking of bills, I got my first ever electric bill today. 33 dollars, including activation fee. I felt like a real live adult.

I think sometime after my vacation next month, I'm going to look at going to Boston for a few days. A round trip via train will cost me only about 91 bucks! Honestly, I'm not sure what I'd do but who the hell needs a reason to go anywhere? Also I may end up in Boston in a year or two. Who knows. Eventually I'm going to be in a bigger city, that's for sure.

Behringer V-Tone rocks my socks off.

Mushroom bread: shallot, garlic, minced cremini mushrooms, a generous pinch of marjoram and a drop of white truffle oil. Rosemary and a bit of ground coriander on the outside with sugar to caramelize.

<3

Here's to baking bread at 3 in the morning.

hooray, home improvement!

Before finishing, this was the dull wood panel in my small dining room, complete with streaks from someone's shoes and specks of paint.

Not too bad for a first try. I really had no idea what I was doing but now that I've fixed something I feel like a man. Actually, I may put on another coat and then finish it with some polyacrylic stuff, though it would mean another long walk to Home Depot. Also, part of it is visible on the other side next to my fridge, so it may be an unfinished project (ha! unfinished!).


Also, I made a pizza with a friend the other night. Delicioso.