holldandamnit

I hate Hollandaise. It is nothing more than pure liquid fat emulsified with cholesterol. The sauce tastes like its ingredients--barely-cooked egg yolks and clarified butter. A perfectly seasoned Hollandaise (with the traditionally complex flavors of salt, pepper, and lemon juice) still just tastes like glace de atherosclerosis to me. It makes okay small sauces like Bearnaise or Maltaise, but by itself it is truly disgusting--one of the classical French items I will never understand. I have thus far consumed the stomach lining of beef as well as tongue as a student of this school, and several varieties of inner-ripened cheese so powerful in flavor and aroma they can clean out your sinuses. But I'm just not a Hollandaise man. And it is a pain in the ass to make--add the butter too fast and you've got to start over again, and you've got to have forearms like George Foreman to stand making any more than about 12 ounces by hand. If I were creating a menu and absolutely had to have Hollandaise on a dish, I would get with the times and make it in a damn robot-coupe like any emulsified salad dressing. I mean, Jesus Christ. It's JUST MAYONNAISE WITH DIFFERENT OIL.

That said, meats class kicks ass. Observe:

The veal rotation. A three-day stage of this class consisting of a set menu:

Proteins:
A: Saltimbocca alla Romana
Sauteed Medallions of Veal w/Shiitake Mushrooms & Marsala Sauce

B: Pan Fry: Veal Romano
Veal Schnitzel, Vienna Style

Entrementier (side dish crew):
A: Asparagus w/Fucking Hollandaise
Tourne Carrots
Cauliflower Polonaise
Risotto alla Parmigiana

B: Cauliflower simmered in Saffron Chicken Stock
Julienne Snow Peas & Red Pepper
Oblique cut Carrots
Herbed Spaetzle

Each day, there are three teams of people: two protein groups, which are in charge of the four veal dishes, and an entrementier team, which handles the veg/starch menu. Yesterday I had the Veal Marsala, and today I worked entrementier, handling the risotto and asparagus. Risotto is something of a specialty of mine: I like to be an asshole and brag that I had the best one in soups awhile back, which was for no reason other than the fact that I have a hopeless cooking addiction and had been, for practice, stirring away at Arborio rice in the dorm weeks before we were ever taught the method. I am still an asshole. The one yesterday sucked, and today Chef grabbed some.

Every day there are thirteen display plates made through two assembly lines--three of each protein and one vegetable plate prepared by the sous-chef. The trick to all this stuff is time management.We come into class at 9:30, and if we're lucky, the people assigned to storeroom aren't hangover and have arrived early with the order. We fire up the kitchen and sit down for Chef to tell us our meal assignments, and then we break, aiming for service at 11:15, which means service--not getting shit out of the warmer and finding serving spoons. Plates should be on display for analysis at 11:15 sharp or there's no chance in hell of really eating anything we've made (and then we have to take the risk of foodborne illness in the cafeteria for lunch). This is a different style from the first two cycles. We don't stand around waiting for water to boil while talking about where the party's at this weekend, or put four starches and some chowder on the table and then sit down for a nice, relaxed meal. This feels like my job; plate presentation is emphasized, as well as nutritional balance (sort of, at least there's protein, starch and veg), and cost-effective conservation. As Chef says, eating is optional--tasting is mandatory.