Friday, April 30, 2004

You know, it's funny, because the idea of taking antidepressants or sleeping pills scares me, but I rely on antihistamines one out of two nights to get to sleep. It's midnight, I've ridden around on my bike several miles today, and mowed a huge lawn, and I'm bouncing off the walls even though my eyes are heavy. God damnit.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Been a little while. I've been up too damn late the past week and have been forced to induce unconsciousness every night with antihistamines, and I guess haven't had the mind to blog anything or had anything that I wanted to talk about. I've been taking the godawful TAKS test the past few days and am beginning to develop blood clots in my femoral arteries from both sitting too long and riding my bike too long. They are beyond sore now, and in a state of numbness so that I don't think I'll be up for climbing the stairs to english tomorrow. I have a bad habit of exercising until I dehydrate and exhaust myself when I get really stressed out. Although it's not that bad; I've enjoyed riding around because I fixed a 30 year-old Schwinn Continental roadbike so I can actually go around the neighborhood with some speed rather than sitting atop the same mountain bike I rode to school on in third grade. I broke up with Larkin. I wish that she'd broken up with me instead.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

1) what do you think of me? (hehe sorry i copied yours, but i guess we're all a little self-centered!) You're a damn smart girl with the sense to question what's around you, and I really admire that. The fact that you have political views uncharacteristic of the South alone makes you a valuable friend. But you've also got a really cool sense of style. Don't let anyone rag on your leather boots. And by the way, you don't come across as negative.

2) what do you love most about larkin? Intelligence and maturity. She's the first person I've dated who really understands me--hell, she's helped me understand me--and she's wise beyond her years. I think that quite possibly I am the luckiest man alive to have been with her for so long, for I would be half the man I am today if she hadn't influenced who I've become over the past year. Thank you for asking me that question.

3)what song makes you cry? Can't Stop the Beat. No, seriously. That song affects my personal well-being. It's going to give me high blood pressure and baldness. Fuck broadway! Oh, in the name of God's Honda Civic, nothing but rave music should be set at 160 beats per minute!

Saturday, April 17, 2004

1. are you and larkin still together? yep
2. is she ok? she's doing great
3. what's your favorite sushi meal? I love mackerel and eel. Any oily fish with a strong flavor is usually something I'm into. I love octopus (but only if it's pretty fresh), and yellowtail. But I'll eat anything, really.

Friday, April 16, 2004

Another revolutionary idea from Emily's blog:

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions. No more, no less. Ask me anything you want and I will answer it. Then, I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

Put em in my comments box thingy. I'll answer in blog entries.

Monday, April 12, 2004

Yet another post today, but I felt like I'd update people on what's going on in my future. Friday I went down to the Mayo-Hill modeling school again, and the interviewer, Jennifer Molleda, talked to me and showed me around. You know, those people are really, really friendly, and I think I'm going to truly enjoy working with them. In case I didn't mention it earlier, I'm guaranteed a two year contract once I complete their training program. God, I'm excited! I'm beginning to get fairly intrigued by the idea of being a model, not just because it's profitable. Which is good, because I want to enjoy my work.

Also, I will not be taking the three-period Hospitality course next year. I love cooking. I love the culinary arts, and I'm still bent on going to cooking school and becoming a chef. But I think that class is going to be a waste of time. Not only would I have to drive down to the Galleria every morning, but it's not really a culinary arts course. That's a little part of it, but if I'm in a kitchen for one week and manning the front desk at a Mormon-owned (no offense to Mormons, it's just that they really want me to cut my Goddamn hair, which I won't stand for) hotel chain the next eleven weeks, it's going to be a waste of gas. The hell with paying 300 dollars for summer school, too.

And another update: I'm really, really happy.

Tedious Surveys!

I just got back from Starbucks with Sterling and Julia, and damn, do I feel great. I will now fill out a 75-question survey that I found on Emily's blog. And by the way, I admire her greatly for liking American Beauty and hating the government.

1. Who are you? Either an easygoing metrosexual or a scathing cynic, depending on the time of day or level of energy

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? I like to be a Howard Sternish asshole sometimes, but if you're my buddy, I'm gonna take care of you and be reliable.

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? Being out with my girlfriend, composing techno/rave/trance music, listening to techno/rave/trance music, cooking, pretending not to have awful grades in school

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least. Choir, History, German, English, Physics, Algebra 2

5. What is your biggest goal for this year? To take it easy, not depend on people so much that my life's framework will collapse without them, and to just have a good time without concerning myself with the tedious details of my future. In 30 years, it will fucking matter what clothes you wore, who you hung out with, and what you did in your spare time; because these are the best Goddamn years of your life, and shouldn't be spent worrying about trying to get into Harvard.

6. Where will you be in 5 years? Either a full-time chef or a full-time model, or some of both. I want to live in a big city someday, like New York.

7. What do you want to be when you grow up? See above

8. Are you more child-like or childish? Child-like. I present myself as a mature person most of the time, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to loosen up and laugh at stupid toilet humor. In fact, I tend to affix a certain humor to everything I see, whether it's politics, religion, school, or my social life. I think what I mean is that I take things seriously but I try not to let myself become obsessive or tense. My blood pressure's really good.

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? Thanks for the ride, Julia.

10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? Ob La Di, Ob La Da... Life really does go on.

11. Have you ever taken a martial arts class? No. And in fact, my mother once tried to persuade me to do that, but I hated organized activities/groups of young people so much that I kept refusing. Same with piano lessons, the little league baseball team, and eventually, after I'd suffered it long enough, Boy Scouts.

12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? Always better. I find that the most trivial experiences--like talking with Julia at Starbucks--will change the way I perceive the world around me. I think I'm really starting to develop the attitude I want to have towards life. I really do.

13. Does time really heal all wounds? Not necessarily. But it will erase bitterness, or it does for me. If I've been hurt in the past by people, I love them dearly today.

14. How do you handle a rainy day? I walk outside and taste the electrified air, being careful not to get the sulfuric shit in my eyes.

15. Which is worse- losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? Losing your luggage. If you're sorting lights, you're at home, and you've got plenty of time. If you've lost your luggage, you're walking around some foreign place with a shirt you've been wearing for days.

16. How is your relationship with your parents? I love my dad, who, while he drinks to much, is a mentor to me, and someone I aspire to be like someday. My mother is a great person, but isn't the kind of person that should've settled down to have me. Someday I want to pay for her to complete her fine arts degree so she never has to deal with business, marketing, and struggling to support a family again.

17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? I'm generally pretty observative. I notice things like peoples' crooked collars, or moods and facial expressions. Though I'm usually too shy to help. That's another thing about me. I could see someone hurt or crying, or with no self-esteem, and I'd love to tell them they're beautiful or hug them, but I'm too introverted. I guess another one of my "goals" is to become a little more social, but a little more helpful and/or risk-taking specifically.

18. What is the truest thing that you know? "If you don't have love, it's just a bunch of stuff on your resume." -My dad

19. What do you want your life to be like, as the future takes clearer shape? I want it to be made up of more than just achievements...I want to actually experience things and never get into a routine of day to day, doing the same thing, wasting away under florescent lights at a job I hate. I want to do things that scare me and not be so "safe". (this is Emily's response, but I like it so much I'm not going to change it)

20. Have you ever been given a second chance? No, and I can only think of one or two things that I've lost the first chance on.

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? I'm a giver. I'm not trying to brag here, but usually if there's an oppurtunity to help someone I'll go out of my way or make personal sacrifices to give a hand, even if I'm not taken care of in return. An example is going to LAN parties that I know I'll end up hating, but because people enjoy my prescence. Or weeding Ms. Brown's huge, messy flower bed for free and breaking my back. It probably comes from this deep dread I have of hurting people. If I end up really injuring someone in some way, even if really small, I'll absolutely kill myself over it.

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart? Yeah, I try to think of people. See above.

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? I once broke my arm after falling off a friend's slide in Chicago, but I don't remember feeling any pain whatsoever (probably because I had fucked up my nerves and tendons). I've never really had anything really truly awful happen to me physically. Oh, I once kicked a toolbox. That sucked.

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? I had a fight with Larkin once that I have nightmares about.

25. Who have you hugged today? God, no one

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? Julia gave me a ride home. I love her car.

27. Do you have a lot to learn? Yeah, but I'm in no rush. (also Emily's answer)

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? What people do. When I'm kind to people and I receive something in return, I won't forget it.

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? In my opinion, your significant other has to be your best friend that you happen to be physically crazy about. I can't be noble and say that "looks don't matter to me". Honestly, I have to be really comfortable with someone's looks and personality, which makes lasting encounters rare for me.

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? Oh man. Um, travel a lot, have a lasting impact on a lot of peoples' lives, and the third I will continue to think about, because nothing should be set in stone.

What happened to 32? NOOOOO....it disappeared along with the WMD's

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? To tell you the truth, when I look at causes today, I don't see a lot of hope (hence the cynical side of me). I love the environment, but I betcha ten bucks we'll fuck it up anyway. I'm for civil rights for everybody, but I also bet that we'll always find some minority to hate. I'd love to see all wars end, but are we really ever going to unite and love each other when all the best countries have thousands of weapons that could sink Hawaii? I believe in all causes, and I will speak out for them. But it's often depressing to me to devote my whole being to one or the other, so I try to remain humorous about them while also being very realistic. I think it's all we can do to keep from sinking into hopelessness.

34. What does each decade make you think of:
The 19..
20's: Flappers
30's: That asshole John Steinbeck
40's: WWII
50's: Red Scare
60's: Free love
70's: Same thing, I guess
80's: Oingo Boingo
90's: How much I changed from when I was a little kid
2000: The real world

35. Which decade do you feel you belong in and why? This decade. The modern world, I think, suits me.

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? Stairway to Heaven

37. If you could say any sentence to the president of the usa what would it be? "Hey, pig fucker! The army's not yours!"

38. What's your favorite tv channel to watch in the middle of the night? I... don't watch TV.

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? RASPUTIN! Because he was a hardass.

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout? Yes. I only have bad memories of it. Waking up in a cold puddle in a tent, stepping on nails; the only good things were backpacking and canoeing, because I didn't have to talk to anyone, I could just focus on the hard work and things around me.

41. If you were travelling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? Fly

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? Because I have a 71.5 in physics.

43. What does your name mean? Something like "Jehovah has favored"

44. Would you rather explore the depths of the ocean or outer space? Outer space. I admit it, I have an obsession with space exploration, and I mean, come on, no gravity

45. Word association
what's the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:
air: brush
meat: ostrich
different: Larkin
pink: sand
deserve: dessert!
white: glaciers
elvis: them great balls of fire
cilantro: pico de gallo
heart: peanut butter
clash: swords
pulp: orange juice

46. If you could meet any person who is dead and famous who would you want it to be? Jesus. I'd be all like, don't let em do it, man. They make a shitty movie later on.

47. What if you could meet anyone alive and famous? I can't really think of any famous people that I even like. Wait. Pat Robertson. I'd kill him.

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday? Blade! Or Blade 2. I can't decide which. But I also love American Beauty.

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring? Laptop, wireless modem, Everquest. The week would pass like seconds.

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved? It's been suggested

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands? Physically? I can't even remember.

53. What was your favorite toy as a child? Legos. Gawd I loved Legos.

54. How many tv's are in your house? 2

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? I used to ride my bike a lot, but damn, I don't have time anymore. Right now I mow a lot of lawns, and while you'd consider it hard work, I actually enjoy it because it's one of those things that's simple, physical labor but still takes a little experience to be good at.

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow? Quite often too scientific to enjoy it. "Look, the white light is being split into a bunch of other stuff. Fuck you, physics."

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? Yes

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? No, though I'd probably like to.

59. What is your idea of paradise? A Starbucks where the only serve lattes and bold coffee, and they're always playing Dzihan and Kamien. God, I could be alone in one of those and still be happy.

60. Do you believe in heaven and if so what is it like? Nah, I don't buy it. Sort of pleasant idea, but I wouldn't want to live the life necessary to get in.

61. Do you believe in Hell? Shit damn no! It's just a ploy to scare me into tithing and moral conformity.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? I can name a lot of shit here, but I'll just say that I've eaten a raccoon before, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done? I dunno.

64. Are you a patient person? Yes.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? National Give John a Dollar Day

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does? I like holidays, because I get time off.

67. What's the best joke you ever heard? I can't think of one, so I'll use an anecdote of my father's instead. My dad's buddy is working on an old station wagon in the shop. He's got his pocket knife open, and is doing some work on the wiring on the starter--stripping the cables and stuff like that. My dad's other friend has pulled in with his Buick, and all of the guy's friends (who happen to be strippers) are flirting with all the mechanics. Well, the guy working on the starter turns around to the bosom of one of these strippers who's leaning over him, and stabs himself in the hand with his pocket knife. As he does this, he crosses the two wires on the starter, and the station wagon starts, and runs over his foot.

68. Where is the most fun place you have been? New York City. I long to go back there so much. God, I connected with that place. I hope, hope hope hope that I have a modeling career successful enough to be sent up there.

69. Is your hair it's natural color? Yeah, I'm a blonde pretty boy, and I love it. I dyed it blue once, though.

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front? It depends on what you mean by dark. I suppose there are things I wouldn't tell people, but there's no hidden aspect of my past that I've never disclosed. I was a boring little kid.

71. What is under your bed right now? I dunno. I actually have a loft bed which I cannot sleep in anymore (due to my height, pretty much), so I sleep across the hall in the guest bedroom. Probably a bunch of clothes and shit.

72. If you were in the land of oz would you want to live there or go home? To be honest, I thought the Land of Oz was pretty fucked up when I saw the movie. I mean, the poppies, and the psychadelic horses, and Christ, that lion guy scared me.

73. If you drive do you frequently speed? I don't drive yet, except for on my dad's deer lease, and I drive pretty slowly. Although I've taken a 4-wheeler pretty fast before, but I don't like to do that because I prefer not to resemble my dumbass classmates who'll crack their skulls jumping over ditches.

74. What is the world's best song to dance to? I'm not really a dancer but, I'd say Sandstorm.

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? I'm not sure. Something at Homecoming.
For anyone into political humor that rags on the conservative system of thought, Al Franken's Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations is pretty damn funny.

Back from Fannin. For once this year, I feel well-rested, despite the College Board's idea to give me my SAT score right when I got back. I made a 1220. Above average, I guess. I'll take it again later and apply myself.

But yeah, that was fun. I must've walked 20+ miles total the whole time I was down there. I got as far away from gravel roads and loud compressors as possible and just mucked around in the wilderness that no one else thinks to walk through. I shot at something and missed. My dad was the one who (literally) brought home the bacon this trip, although hunting is never really all I go up there for. I must admit though, the difference between stalking in the jungle with a rifle and sitting in a wooden box trying to lure animals to you is one of great proportions. I don't usually call sitting in a blind "hunting"; I call it "sitting". The former is really truly exciting, even if all you do is look at shit. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to kill anything to have fun, though it does make your groceries a lot cheaper. I'll write an essay or a short story or something about my stealthy adventures with deer, turkeys, sandhill cranes, coyotes, gargantuan wild black boars, and the occasional jackrabbit later on. But right now I'll tell you it was really refreshing to get away from civilization. I didn't even mind the fact that my only human contact was a group of people who still think the South won the civil war. They do a hell of a fish fry regardless of their political views, which I think is something mature people ought to be able to realize.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Well, I've been busy recently. I've been sick, and I'm still worrying about mowing lawns, my schedule for next year, and school (probably going to fail algebra). Though the modeling thing I don't really have to worry about now so much as continue to keep up with--I got the contract with Neal Hamil I was looking for, and am going to take it, and considering my being male, I'll probably get plenty of work once I finish their little training program. Of course, I wasn't really worried about that in the first place; when I got to the Mayo-Hill modeling school for my interview, I realized that my competition was composed of three other shaggy looking fellows, in it for the money way more than for the fame. That's how I am too, mostly, but I must admit, I'm intrigued by the notion of becoming part of something like this. Not just because it'll probably end up paying for my college, but because it really interests me. Or maybe I just really want to go back to New York. Truly, that trip last year changed my life. I guess I view the place I live in now as nice, but substandard in comparison to that stroll down Times Square in the shadow of hundreds of thousands of tons of steel.