Ah, physics. Rappacini's Daughter was pleasant in English--there is a girl who is literally poisonous--and the incredibly challenging trivia game in History yielded another 106 for a major grade. The physics test has allowed me a respectable 79, and I've an 86 on the Egg Drop lab. I've got an 84 in there right now, which makes me quite content, though the notion of a final exam in the class is unnerving

I wonder if everyone has gone through a stage in their lives which is full of indifference and, well outright exhaustion. I feel so damn... tired. Not just physically, but mentally, too. I'm tired of thinking about shit I have to do or turn in or work on or worry about or rehearse for. Things like homework and chamber choir keep me from what I'd really like to be doing, which is one of a few things: being with Larkin, or just sitting around, playing dumb computer games while pondering the meaning of the universe, or playing with Sterling's bass guitar, and being with Larkin.

One of the few things I take pleasure in right now (or have time to) is my short writings; these blog posts help me muchly to pour out my conscious mind into a beaker to study. Sure, I had fun at chamber last night, and I'm level four or whatever in Gunbound, but it's like I'm on this incredibly new conquest for knowledge, insight, or just a conquest for finding time to speculate and think. I mean, I've been a philisophical whore in the past, but these days a hug from Lark and asking oeople their opinion on things, or rather, having it told to me, is one of the few reliefs for me. I've probably been reading The Holographic Universe too much and I likely really need this Christmas holiday, but hell, if our short time here is for anything, shouldn't it be for thinking?

Fuck being a construction worker or a politician--or if you are, and deal with petty human issues all the time, still set aside a moment or two to ponder the meaning of it all! That's why I say it's foolish to adopt an established doctrine at this age, or perhaps at any age! Age plays no role, only amount of thought given. There are too many things to think about (if you're not stupid) to live by a set of rules or ideas someone else made up. Take some of your precious time to think about it first. Don't live by a 2000 year-old translation of a holy text; live by your own holy text.

I'm working on one. Just because I don't believe in your god or any god doesn't mean I believe rigidly that I'm going to cease to exist completely when I die, or that there is no charity or goodness in the world, no soul, no spirituality. I'm still thinking about it.