Walking to Larkin's from the school today, I realized that I've become something of an optimist. I think that these days, having matured a little from my flaming atheist/prejudiced views (which I still have, but more objectively so), I consider life "almost meaningless" rather than an ultimately disappointing cycle of birth, boring stuff, and death. Sure, we're born to ultimately die and perhaps float away and disperse in a mess of electromagnetic residue, but what's in between--despite being ultimately pointless--is an awful lot of fun.

It's really not quite that gloomy. While I don't have any faith in deities, and often doubt the greatly anticipated afterlife, that doesn't mean I'm willing to give up and die. In fact, through my often callous views of the world and its ethics and theology, I've become much more content. I can enjoy my own purpose, rather than that given to me by a being of light that I'll probably never see. To me, there's no path laid out for me, no divine task to fulfill, and nothing to look forward to, so I give myself the challenge of enjoying life in this cruel, mortal dirtball. It's really quite nice--I don't have to be burdened with guilt for the silliest things, and I can enjoy without internal conflict the thing that no god has given me, but something greater: nature. That thing is the flesh. My own body. I can have a decent time with tangible pleasures (I'm not necessarily talking about sex, maybe just little "unnecessary" pleasures like a sushi buffet, a box of chocolates, and a professional back massage that some guilty people refrain from enjoying for fear of committing a great sin) while I'm on earth and not worry about flaming, pointy sticks being shoved through my torso afterwards. The only sin I know is to deny myself of the earthly pleasures I hold so dear to my heart because of some invisible fear. People say atheists are grumpy, ignorant bastards, but this is not true.

Besides, even if there is a God, an Almighty, En Sof, Allah, or what have you, if he's even remotely as generous as people say he is, he wouldn't give us these lives if they weren't meant to be enjoyed to the fullest. If He means us to refrain from temptation, then He more resembles the proverbial Satan, throwing temptations at us so we might be punished. Don'tcha think?