My intense longing to be in Larkin's prescence astounds me. Somehow, this clever, brightly-colored female evokes such emotion in me that causes me to miss her ferociously even when we've only been apart for a few hours. I realized this tonight, drinking tea that Larkin gave me, unbearably lonely in my poorly-lit room with pictures of her all around me, bottles of water she's left here, no companions but those miles of copper wiring away. Nothing I do to preoccupy myself works. Techno music only reminds me of her, as does painting my nails and other various hobbies I've taken up during my time with her. I suppose I'm also thinking about this a lot because tomorrow is the 14th, which means Larkin and I will have been together ten months. I've grown so very attached to her, the kindest friend I've known who showered me with compliments when I got to know her to make me feel confident about myself, the short, dark-haired fairy woman who still seduces me every time I lay my eyes upon her, and the muscular, strong willed, and independant goth chick who I often look up to like a big sister.

On a less mushy note, Klein High School becomes a lower level of hell with every six weeks period. I cannot muster up the energy to stay very sociable at school anymore, a fact my parents love to pester me about. Somehow they are unable to understand that watching "Orange County Choppers" at full volume at 11 PM is very unpleasant--especially for a guy that is waking up in seven hours to go listen to incessant, unhelpful, post-menopausal teachers talk about things he will never apply in his real life. They can't figure out why, after working out and being at school all day, I am tired, and enjoy making fun of my groggy complaints of hallucinations and semiconscious hobbling around the kitchen.

I had an unnatural thought last night for someone my age. I think that, if I had the option of skipping summer vacation and entering my senior year directly after my junior year, I'd do it. I considered things in the grand scheme of my life last night, and honestly, I wish nothing more than to get out of this adolescent hellhole called education and get on with my life. These are some of the best years of my life, and I'm spending them trying to get more sleep. The only personal gain that school makes me feel is that every day, when I get home, I can acknowledge another day I have gotten rid of. The sooner I'm out of here and pursuing something I actually enjoy, the better.

I want to become a chef, Mrs.Durio. Not a quantum physicist. I don't want to be the president, or a mathematician who will end up as a disgruntled high school teacher, or a journalist. Just a fucking cook. I'd like to serve food to people, spend time with people I love, and sleep more than I do now. Does such a simple life require an entire youth full of bullshit? And that's all it is. Not learning concepts for the TAKS test, but learning how to bullshit your way past test-writers. Not learning about history, but copying down sentences out of your textbook to bullshit your way past your football coach/teacher. Not learning to write, but learning to copy the methods of other writers who've been praised by a million critics. And only learning algebra long enough to bullshit your way through the test with a graphing calculator, so you can forget it afterwards.